Notes:
A/N: Please assume the usual disclaimers.

The Rabb Mosaic
Prologue

The paradox of Commander Harmon Rabb Jr. had twisted in his thoughts for many months. At times, it raised his ire to unreasonable levels, and at others, particularly late at night, it waxed poetically over his consciousness, in an attempt to categorize and thus solve the puzzle of the man.

As a fellow warrior, he appreciated Rabb’s powerful presence, while at the same time challenging it. As a Commanding Officer, he respected one of the few officers he had ever met with the natural potential to take over his job, and then go further, possibly to the top levels of the Navy’s hierarchy. Rabb hadn’t the political sophistication, or perhaps patience would be a more accurate word, but he had the credentials and the right woman could temper his rough edges.

Rabb was an irresistible illusion, AJ finally discovered. It had taken a while to understand this, but now it was clear. From a distance, he had the outward appearance of perfection, a thing of beauty and invincibility. As one drew near, that illusion was maintained with a powerful spell, thrown over the mind by his penetrating eyes, his charming smile, and his overwhelming presence. He never allowed anyone beyond the smokescreen he cast.

AJ had finally glimpsed inside when Rabb resigned for this woman, and had seen even more clearly when he returned. It was a time when Harm’s power to befuddle was at its lowest ebb, all his concentration focused on only one thing. This woman. Possibly, she had the opportunity to see through it, but she had never understood her power. Nevertheless, it was obviously the one thing that frightened Rabb to immobility. That she would discover he wasn’t real, that he was like a Roman mosaic, all shattered bits of marble, and glass, and ceramic, fitted together to create this flawless chimera. When seen from afar he was awesome, but up close, the eye was filled with damaged shards, their sharp points, their razor edges.

Rabb knew what he was, a man made up of broken pieces, reassembled into a functioning object, held together by the glue of sheer willpower. He allowed no one else the possession of this knowledge. He kept her at a distance for fear she would discern his secret. If the man had one weakness, it was his failure to recognize that his reconstructed existence made him more powerful, more valid, and more complete than any of his one-dimensional counterparts.

The woman so feared by this amazing man and officer, this decorated top gun, this world-class attorney and investigator, this humble and compassionate human being, was currently sitting across the table from AJ.

End of Prologue

The Rabb Mosaic
Part One

The working lunch, doing monthly case reviews and operations assessment, between the Judge Advocate General Admiral AJ Chegwidden, and his Chief of Staff Lt Colonel Sarah Mackenzie, had turned into a working dinner after surrendering to hunger a second time at 19:20.

Accepting there were still several hours’ worth of work to process, they decided it was pointless to encourage an ulcer. Pushing case files and personnel reviews, budgets and operations assessments aside, they relaxed at the large conference table to enjoy their delivery of Chinese food.

While they found themselves talking over each other frequently during the daylong assessment of the workings of JAG and its personnel, there was little to talk about when the atmosphere turned less to business and gave them an opportunity for more personal interaction.

Sitting at the head of the table, with Colonel Mackenzie two seats away, and case files spread between them, the CO of JAG rediscovered the innate beauty and grace of the woman wearing the Marine uniform. Not for the first time since she’d come under his command, did he wish for a way around military rules against fraternization.

He hesitated momentarily, to ponder the lengths he would have gone to for the taste, and touch, and scent, of having this woman in his arms. It was a concept he had long since given serious thought, would indeed have acted upon, if not for the certain knowledge that she belonged to another from the moment he had introduced them.

Oh they’d had some definite detours, some near disasters, but still he knew they would never be truly happy unless they were together. On the other hand, AJ mused to himself as he watched her wind noodles onto her chopsticks, if Rabb was going to keep his head in a deep, dark place forever, AJ refused any thought of allowing Webb to have her. She was too good for him, and he would eventually kill her spirit.

Webb’s likely mate would include either a string of casual meaningless relationships until one of his ill-advised operations got him killed, or an arm charm who hadn’t the slightest notion of the nature of his job. One who was content with the social standing and elegant life Webb’s family money and connections would give her. Neither of these women were Mac.

Mac needed daily doses of love, and the reassurance that no matter what happened in life, she was the most important thing to one special person. The reason she needed this wasn’t because she was weak, it was because she was strong, and loyal, and deeply emotional, more so than anyone usually gave her credit for. She hid it well behind her Marine façade, but she was a living example of the old saying about still waters. In the right relationship, when given unconditional love, she would unfold like a butterfly and return it immeasurably. The lucky man who found her center wouldn’t know what hit him.

If Rabb was a mural of the pieces of his life, Mac was the earth. She was the ground that had always supported him, and AJ wondered that Rabb didn’t have the good sense to know it. Perhaps he did, and that was what he feared most. That the ground would fall away and leave him with no foundation at all. Unfortunately, AJ feared it might be true. Since the ill-fated mission to Paraguay, Mac had resembled less the concept of stable Gaia, and more a study in accelerated plate tectonics. Several eruptions had already marred her constant durability. If Harm weren’t very careful, if he didn’t recognize the instability, he may find his façade crumbling when she slipped away.

Retirement was imminent for AJ Chegwidden, and if Rabb didn’t quit acting like a fool he was going to lose Sarah Mackenzie. He would lose her to someone he had never counted as a rival. Whatever it took, AJ would not allow her destruction.

She may never give him her entire heart, but she would give him enough of it, and he would give her all of his. No way in hell would Webb be allowed to destroy her, she was entirely too precious.

“Admiral?” Mac repeated for the third time, as he fell awkwardly from his reverie.

“Huh?... What?... I’m sorry Colonel, a little woolgathering I guess,” he smiled; embarrassed that she might have been able to read his thoughts.

She sighed deeply, “Yeah, me too, sir.” He’d never seen her looking so vulnerable. God they were both a mess. He was still stewing over Meredith, and Mac….what?…What was Mac mulling over behind her gorgeous eyes? Webb? Rabb? Someone he had never met? Who knows?

“Do you want to talk about it, sir?” she asked absently, completely out of character. Mac was nothing if not a stickler for military protocol.

“Not really,” he tried to close up, but found it difficult to push her away. Besides he thought maybe she needed someone to talk to.

“I understand, sir,” she nodded sadly, as silence fell between them.

“Sometimes it’s not fair, is it?” he mused.

“What isn’t sir? Life?” she ventured.

“Yeah that, and other things. Rules,” he suggested with a shrug.

“No, sir,” then, “Circumstances?” she offered.

“That, too. Stuff happens, Colonel. We weren’t ever promised fair. We’re expected to deal with the unexpected, and yet sometimes you wonder when your turn is going to come.” This revelation was completely out of character for the gruff Admiral, but they were so precisely in tune with their emotions that Mac didn’t stop to question what they were doing.

“Yeah,” she agreed. “I just figure if I didn’t screw up so much maybe I’d get a turn, but every time I get a chance, I mess it up somehow,” she added to the pity party they were indulging in.

“It’s not all your fault, Mac,” he tried a supportive tone.

“It wasn’t your fault either, sir,” she tried for a similar note.

“What, Rabb?” he asked.

Her breath caught as she realized he understood her dilemma. “No, sir, Meredith,” she clarified her meaning

He looked at her hard for a minute, considering if he wanted to go there. Maybe it was time to have a friend, a trustworthy ear. Maybe they both needed that.

“She, uh…” he looked out the window, then back. “She found some one else was more…I don’t know…approachable, convenient, accessible. Something. Something she needed more than she needed me,” he finished, quietly resigned now that he no longer hurt.

“I’m sorry/ sir. I should have never…” she tried to take blame for his heartache.

“Don’t start/ Mac, this isn’t your fault. I’m a grown man. Something just wasn’t there, I accept that,” and he realized as he said it, it was true.

“But, sir, maybe it was just a mistake,” Mac consoled without details. “Maybe she just...”

“Mac,” he interrupted, shooting to his feet, “I could understand that if we were dating casually, if it was early in our friendship. If nothing had ever been settled or agreed upon. If futures hadn’t been discussed. Sometimes people have to make sure. We aren’t teenagers rushing after raging hormones. We’re adults making a decision to finish our lives together. Stress, wondering if you’re ready for that big of a change, one last fling, something, I don’t know.”

“But we were getting married.” He continued. “Promises had been made. We were engaged. Hell, we were planning a wedding in two months. It was no longer understandable or forgivable. It was a betrayal at that point. Either that or what we had just wasn’t important enough. Doesn’t matter,” he concluded after pacing the room several times in agitation. He turned and tossed himself carelessly back into his chair.

“Do all men feel that way, sir?” she asked hopefully, as she processed the complete picture.

“What do you mean, Mac, feel what way?” he was curious.

“That if it’s early enough, it’s not a betrayal. That if nothing has ever really been said, if you’ve never really…um…started a real relationship that is…” she faltered

“Is this about Webb, Mac?” he wondered aloud, secretly believing it was more likely about Rabb.

“Sort of, I…uh well, that is, we’ve been sort of seeing each other, but it was never…I mean we were just sort of…Paraguay, sir, the torture he endured for me to try to keep me safe until we could escape.” She knew he hadn’t a prayer of following this disjointed stream of jumbled thoughts. She wasn’t entirely certain what she meant, how could he understand?

“Gratitude is never a good reason for a relationship, Mac. It’s just not enough,” miraculously he cut right to the heart of the matter.

“I know, sir, but that’s the dilemma isn’t it?” she still hadn’t clarified to herself why she felt this way.

“You wouldn’t have escaped on your own, you know that don’t you?” once again he untangled the thread.

“No, sir, I don’t,” she replied vehemently. “I didn’t need to be rescued.” Everything revolved around this point.

“Mac, I’ve seen the report there are things you don’t know,” her CO provided gently.

“Was this in Harm’s report?” she asked defensively. Then more harshly, “Did Rabb tell you this?”

“No, Colonel, Rabb hasn’t spoken about it at all. Oh, I’ve seen his written report, but it’s mostly just facts, and it seriously downplays his role. By his estimation, your version would stand, but it isn’t true Colonel. You may not want to admit it, but without Rabb, you wouldn’t have come back.” Regardless of the consequences, she needed to hear the truth.

“How do you know?” she remained defensive, but deflated significantly. She knew the Admiral wouldn’t lie to her; she just didn’t want to accept the truth, if this was the answer.

“Colonel, if you ever want my job tell someone what I’m about to say, and I’ll be Palmer’s roommate before you take your next breath,” he fixed her with a stern glare.

She nodded, frightened of the truth but needing it now.

End of Part One

The Rabb Mosaic
Part Two

“Surprising as it may be,” he began, “Rabb didn’t kill every terrorist in South America.” He gave her an ironic smile, “Hell, he didn’t even kill everyone on the hacienda, although I guess he tried. Some with his bare hands, I understand from Gunny. Did you know he could do that Mac?” he asked, eyeing her closely for her reaction. He wasn’t sure how much of this she would be able to hear.

She shook her head stunned and swallowed hard. “Harm, sir? All of them?” she asked in a tiny voice, awed that this man whose touch she had seldom experienced, but counted as the gentlest she’d ever known, could use his hands to kill.

“No Mac, not all of them, he shot some of them,” AJ stated bluntly. “The few left were eliminated by General Goland. He was in charge of the local Militia. When they rounded up the bodies, they found several still alive, barely. We both know the methods used to extract information in some countries is unacceptably cruel, certainly you have first hand knowledge,” he saw a shadow pass her face, “but the men they found at the hacienda didn’t even require coercion. They were so proud of what they’d done to Webb, and what they planned to do to you, they spilled their guts before they were finally killed.”

“Sadiq used you against each other. You can’t believe he would have ever allowed either of you to live.” Reluctantly she shook her head. “He may have tortured Webb’s body, but he was sadistically and maliciously torturing your mind. He was using Webb to break you. He knew he’d never get anything out of Webb, but if you thought Webb was saving you he could use it against you. Mac,” he continued gently, “by the time he took you into that room you were mentally too weak to fight. You may not want to believe this but you would have told him everything you knew.”

“No,” she wanted it to be a firm protest, but the memory allowed her word to be little more than a whimper.

He hated himself for making her relive this, but she had to have the truth for everyone’s sake, and most especially for her own.

“You can’t be blamed, you were neither prepared nor trained for that situation, it was a half-assed mission from the start,” his anger was rising. Her eyes widened at his rare profanity. “You may not like this, but Rabb’s timely arrival saved you, Webb, and the mission,” the Admiral snorted derisively, “Rabb was denied backup because the ‘analysts’” he slurred the word, “didn’t give him a snowballs chance of success.”

“Oh,” the word jumped from her lips, partly a cry, partly a sob, and partly as reaction to a near physical blow.

“Mac,” he continued, “even Gunny reported it was a suicide mission for him and Rabb to come after you. He said there wasn’t a chance in hell of getting to you, or finding you alive. He fully expected they would both be killed trying.”

She looked at him thunderstruck by this revelation, “Gunny said that?” he nodded as she asked, “Did Harm know all this?”

“Harm wouldn’t listen, he didn’t care. He told Gunny he was going to find you or ‘die trying’ was the exact quote.” She sucked in a deep breath. He realized he had struck some nerve with that phrase, as she paled visibly. “Harm didn’t care what happened to him, Mac, only what happened to you. Gunny said he went through that place like a crazy man. No one could stop him. Those he couldn’t reach with his hands, he shot. No second thoughts. Absolutely nothing was going to stop him,” he reiterated. There was no way to sugar coat this. He suspected somewhere deep inside she knew the truth, but for reasons of her own, wasn’t accepting it.

She stared at him hollow eyed for several long minutes before she nodded; dazed by the verification of information she had refused to accept.

“I guess, somehow, I always knew it, sir,” she reluctantly admitted.

“But that’s your problem, isn’t it, Mac?” he asked gently, acknowledging her quandary.

She nodded, “I was so grateful to Webb for what I believed he had done, and then…then I found I had to be grateful to Harm, too. That wasn’t what it was about with Harm, it never was. I couldn’t let it be that. It was all ruined don’t you see. Webb was all that was left, it didn’t matter if it wasn’t good enough with him, but… but…” she stumbled.

“….but he wasn’t Harm,” he continued for her. She shook her head fighting the tears. She couldn’t cry in front of her CO, she wasn’t even sure why she was telling him this.

“So you turned to Webb, a second best person for a second best love.” He brought it all into the light.

She nodded again, “I couldn’t do that to Harm. He meant too much to give him something incomplete, something based on gratitude. With Harm, it had to be real, it had to be perfect, and it was ruined, it would never go away,” the tears were falling softly now.

“Like the invisible elephant, Mac?” he provided.

“It would always be there,” she finished the thought.

“Are you sure? Are you so very sure?”

“What do you mean?” she couldn’t see through her despair.

“Did you ever look at Harm’s side of this?” he asked.

“I don’t understand,” she truly didn’t.

“Rabb didn’t come after you for gratitude. He didn’t plow though half the South American countryside looking for you, leaving a trail of bodies, for your gratitude. He did it for you, Mac, because he couldn’t live if you weren’t safe. I talked to him before he left. He gave it all up willingly; all that was important was you.” He explained, once again pacing the floor in agitation.

“You talked to him? Then, sir, why afterward…?” There was deep puzzlement and a trace of anger.

“….was I so angry with him? I asked him if he found you, what he would do to keep you. He said he hadn’t figured that out. I guess I thought once he found you he’d find a way to tell you, to keep you. When he didn’t, I was so disappointed I lost my temper. Mac you saw one of the few times in my life where I allowed my temper to control a decision I made.”

“I had anticipated you both returning to tell me you were together,” he continued, “and Rabb would be looking for another job because you knew you couldn’t work together. I had a plan, Mac; I would have taken him back and found a way. When he asked for his job with no mention that you…when I saw the distance between you, I just lost it.”

“Then when I heard you were seeing Webb, I had trouble getting over it. I finally had to take him back because frankly I needed him, but I was still angry as hell that he blew it,” the Admiral admitted.

Mac looked stunned. If she had been hit by a truck, she wouldn’t have taken a blow like this.

“I ruined it, I had to go and ruin it all.” Her breath barely forced the words past her lips.

“How did you ruin it? I thought it was Rabb.” It was A J’s turn to be puzzled.

She gave a small watery smile. “Oh he did his share, we aren’t always at our best personally when we’re under pressure, but there were some special issues he didn’t understand. I was all tied up in knots inside. I couldn’t deal with it alone, so we battled each other as hard as we battled the enemy,” she admitted shamefaced and deeply saddened.

“What makes you think he wouldn’t understand?” he questioned.

“He’d never been there, sir,” she explained dismissively.

“He found you about to be tortured, Mac,” he reminded her.

“I know,” she replied too harshly, “but I was there, I saw and heard what they did to Webb, what they would have done…” she stifled a sob, “then later here with Sadiq.”

“Mac you have no idea what you’re talking about,” he was blunt with impatience.

“How could he understand, sir? I mean he…?” The stress of the memory showed in her voice.

“Colonel you haven’t enough information about the things Rabb has experienced to make that judgment,” the Admiral looked at her sternly.

“Sir, I know about his father and his ramp strike, and a few other things that have happened to him, but there was never anything like this,” she was puzzled. What was he suggesting?

“Mac there are things that have happened to Rabb that he doesn’t even have the security clearance to know about, much less tell you. Believe me, he knows. Mac, he knows,” the admiral emphasized his point, leaning across the table.

“Oh, god, sir, you can’t mean….not Harm. Where? When?” It was nearly unbearable to think of Harm being tortured. How could this be, he’d never shown a sign, or had he and she missed it? How could she have been so arrogant to think she was the only officer ever to endure imprisonment and mistreatment?

“Yes, Harm, it isn’t even all in his service record, not the part most people can access, but he’s been there Mac. The year before you transferred. China,” the Admiral explained, economically.

“China? How did he get out? How did he survive?” she cast about, trying to correlate this devastating information.

“You’ll love this part, Mac.” he looked grim, “two very resourceful young women he worked with.”

“They rescued him, sir?” this was unbelievable.

“We in the military prefer to think if it as backup, Marine,” he rebuked her.

He saw by her eyes that suddenly it all fell into place. It was what they did for each other, what they had always done for each other. He had given it all up to mount an unsupported mission that was doomed from the start, because he wouldn’t leave her behind, just as his coworkers hadn’t left him behind. That part was military, that part was duty. However, the doomed mission succeeded only because it was driven by his need to find her. Something that was beyond military code, that part was personal.

“He would have understood, sir,” she whispered in shock. The phantom pachyderm faded, and he watched her stumble aimlessly around the crater of its existence. “Both times he would have understood. No wonder he hates me.”

“Yes, Mac,” he nodded gently. “He understood. But I doubt…”

“Oh sir, what have I done,” she cried softly. Her stoic façade crumbled as she fled from the room.

End of part two

The Rabb Mosaic
Part Three

She’d returned to the conference room several minutes later and they resumed work until the Admiral called a halt at 23:40.

“Thank you, Colonel, I’m sorry to ruin your Friday night.” His apology was formal; however, it held an underlying personal note. “There were things I’ve allowed to get away from me. I appreciate your help,” he added unnecessarily.

“No problem, sir,” she responded brightly. A little too brightly for the Admiral’s liking, he suspected there were no other plans on her agenda, but he didn’t want to upset her further by drawing attention to the fact. She had held together after their conversation but the effort was taking its toll.

“Mac?” her name falling softly from his lips held a wealth of questions.

“I’m fine, sir. Just tired.” She put on a brave face, but her eyes were hollow.

Suddenly frightened he had pushed her too far, he rushed into the void. “Mac, if you need anything…anything at all. Just to talk,” he smiled sardonically at this, “or not…” he added.

“Understood, sir,” she responded, softening slightly.

“Mac, there’s nothing that doesn’t have a solution, nothing that…” his words wavered, how could he voice his fear for her.

“I’ll be fine, sir, if I need anything….I need to think, but….I’ll be okay, I promise,” her smile took on a little strength, ironically remembering the way she’d always used that word with Harm. She could do no less than honor its meaning. The Admiral didn’t understand the history, but he accepted the intent.

The impression that remained in his mind was that Webb was someone to be with instead of being alone. She apparently was convinced that Rabb wasn’t interested, didn’t care, even disliked her. He watched her gather her files and notes and secure her office, before leaving the building. If she was aware of his vigil she gave no indication, her actions suggested that she might have thought him gone already.

Following week
JAG HQ

Monday morning arrived and the week stretched ahead. Sturgis, Bud, Harm, and Mac assembled in the main conference room for a senior attorneys briefing. By the end of this week, AJ decided, he would discover Harm’s intentions towards this wonderful woman. He laid the groundwork for pushing Webb entirely out of the picture with the conversation on Friday night. Though initially unintentional, it would serve as a springboard for small advances until his retirement was final in a few weeks. After that, if Rabb still hesitated AJ would make his move.

Yes, there had been some terrible events in the last year, and yes, there had been some mistakes made, apparently on both sides, but there was no reason to assume this made anything final. He had always anticipated the day they would tell him he had to find a way to deal with a change in their relationship. It had been disheartening as he watched the years slip by without that happening. If there were truly no place for her in Rabb’s heart, then by god he’d offer her at least a more comfortable alternative than being with Webb. Webb was a snake.

Striding into the room he took command of the meeting, and in accordance with usual Monday procedures, he assigned new cases. Keeping a close eye on the Colonel, he noticed an odd new strength and resolve in her aura. It hadn’t gained full power but it was in place and functional.

He made his assignments in a seemingly random fashion. Ultimately, his motive was to consider both experience and talent, as well as to stretch his staff, to prevent them becoming stagnant when repeatedly given the same tasks. He made a point to assign the Colonel and the Commander to a case that would keep them working together for several weeks. Once the assignments were completed, he stood and addressed them as a group.

“I hope no one present has plans for Friday night. We have an invitation to dinner at the home of an old friend of mine. She’s former Navy, the first lawyer I partnered with out of law school. She married a Captain in the military of a small southern European principality. He’s now a representative of their government stationed in DC.” AJ gave them background and enough information to sink his hook, as he watched the responses light their faces.

“An embassy dinner, sir?” Harm looked mildly panicked, he hated those things, they were always trouble.

“No Commander, not a formal embassy. They are here representing their government, but the country isn’t big enough for an official embassy. However, we will be wearing our formal company manners and mess dress. Any questions so far?” AJ smiled at his staff. The smile held a hidden agenda and every one of them knew there was more. No one dared to speak until he had finished.

“Good, then let’s finalize the arrangement’s for the evening. Bud, you of course will bring Harriet; I’m sure she will love a reason to buy a new dress.” The Admiral smiled at the youngest staff member.

“Yes, sir,” Bud beamed. Harriet would love this.

“Good. Commander Turner will you be bringing a date? I need to RSVP,” AJ inquired with interest.

“Yes, sir, I’m expecting the lady I’ve been seeing to return to DC later this week. I’m sure she will be pleased you asked,” a very happy Sturgis Turner replied. It would give him an opportunity to show Varese how special some of his Navy privileges were. Turner was a little awed by his new loves lifestyle.

“Good.” AJ went on. “Colonel you will attend with me as my second in command.” He barely hesitated, knowing if he stated it in those terms the Marine would comply.

“Yes, sir,” she replied crisply.

“Commander Rabb, will you be bringing a date?” He continued blandly, staring straight at Harm, daring him to make a challenge.

“Uh….no, sir. I don’t think….no, sir.” Harmon Rabb stumbled, stunned by his CO’s unspoken message, and obviously leaving gaping holes in what he wished to say. The mesmerizing mist covering Harmon Rabb’s seams always thinned when he focused on Mac, but lately, since his return, it had been dangerously shallow and easily disturbed.

“Was there something else you wanted to add, Commander?” AJ baited him, wondering what the impulsive Commander was thinking.

“No, sir, that is… well I thought the Colonel…sir…” he stumbled blindly thought the black forest of protocol.

“What about her?” AJ asked, knowing it was impolite to speak as if she wasn’t there.

“Well, she may want to take Mr. Webb as her escort, sir. I just thought…” Harm finished lamely.

Everyone in the room sat very still, their faces were masked with shock, wondering what their CO would do to Rabb for putting his foot in this one. Mac was puzzled by the unusual atmosphere, but after Friday she was still sifting through her life. She didn’t have the leftover energy to devote to male theatrics.

AJ stared at the uncomfortable Commander, considering whether he’d lost his mind. Rabb nevertheless, had the courage to return the stare before the Admiral commented immovably, “Well she’s not going to, she’s going with me. Copies of the invitation will be delivered to each of you by my yeoman within the hour. None of you need briefing on dress or behavior, you’ve all been to this type of function before,” he finished firmly.

Slapping his folder shut he stood up, bringing the officers to their feet. Squaring his shoulders, he strode decidedly from the room, fully aware of the range of emotion playing on Rabb’s face. AJ wondered mildly how much it would take to kick start the reluctant Commander

They all looked at each other, struggling to process the meaning of the event that had taken place; none among them had a word to say. Gathering their files, each experienced their own level of confusion. Avoiding further comment, they hurriedly left the room heading for their individual offices.

End of part three

The Rabb Mosaic
Part Four

It was on Tuesday afternoon, that AJ had the opportunity to put the next phase of his plan into action. Crossing the bullpen, he noticed Commander Rabb scooping a large stack of files from Jennifer Coates’ desk. At the same time, Lt. Colonel Sarah Mackenzie was crossing the outer office at just the right angle. His combat-trained mind instantly produced a plan.

“Thank you, Jen,” he heard the tall Commander’s voice over the background noise of OPs. “I could never have gathered all this without your help,” Rabb added sincerely.

“You’re welcome, sir,” PO Coates’ smile was warm and helpful. “Happy to help.”

The Colonel, deeply engrossed in a file, was paying no particular attention to the overall situation. He waited a beat for the exact moment.

“Colonel,” AJ called, causing her to turn in his direction. He took several more steps, and her movement followed, until she was at the precise mark he had calculated.

“Colonel, I was thinking,” he mused. “Did Commander Rabb have a point? Would you rather have Clayton Webb escort you to the dinner on Friday night?” He phrased it so he was virtually assured of her answer.

“No, sir,” she replied quickly. “That is, Webb isn’t very reliable, sir. I never know when he will show up.”

“I see,” he held the moment, nodding thoughtfully, then flicked a catlike glance over her shoulder. “Fine,” he smiled an almost crafty smile and abruptly ordered, “carry on.”

She spun smartly at the unexpected dismissal, and ran full into the unsuspecting Commander with his armload of files.

They both recoiled from the stunning impact. Harm’s hands automatically reached to steady her, while hers came to rest on his waist. Files rained down around them, covering every nearby surface like huge snowflakes.

The room fell silent for a full minute, as Harm’s face crumbled slowly, realizing the mess he would encounter sorting them, and Mac’s face registered remorse for having caused this disaster. More surprising was the unintentional emotion generated by the two senior attorneys, nearly locked in an accidental embrace. It spawned a heated cloud that brought activity in the bullpen to a complete standstill. Their eyes met briefly in a silent communication that didn’t address spilled files

“Jeez,” was all Harm could vocalize, regarding the mess that surrounded them. “Research for our case,” he added lamely, struggling to free himself of the spell.

“Oh, I’m so sorry,” she added inadequately, almost timidly, knowing they were going to be chewed a new one by their glaring CO. Still, she was helplessly captivated by the unprompted physical contact.

“It appears you dropped something, Commander,” AJ interrupted, an unseen arc forming between the men as the new and unexpected body language re-entered the conversation.

“Yes, sir,” Harm swallowed, meeting the Admiral’s eyes. Reluctantly, he withdrew his hands from Mac’s arms and placed them appropriately at his sides after gently disengaging hers. Wondering and wary, he tried to equate the meaning of the near challenge, silently issued for a second time by his commanding officer, with the sudden flare of emotions that had blazed briefly between him and Mac.

“Colonel, perhaps you would assist the Commander in retrieving his files,” AJ suggested in a deceptively mild tone, still holding Harm’s stare.

“Yes, sir,” she answered looking at Harm for a sign of anger. Seeing none, she suddenly became uncomfortably aware of the male challenge subtly stalking the room.

With the more obvious moment of tension between them broken, several junior staffers scrambled to help the two senior officers.

“As you were,” AJ ordered. “This won’t take the entire office. The Commander should be capable of handling the situation with the Colonel’s help.” He continued to stare straight at Harm, waiting for the second meaning to register.

It took the confused lawyer several beats to understand the implication behind AJ’s apparent ultimatum. The Admiral’s quick eyes watched with satisfaction as the dare hit its mark. Harm looked at Mac, uncertain if she saw this byplay, and wary of her reaction.

When the tough Marine Colonel realized the she had somehow become the subject of a three-way challenge, her face registered absolute and utter bewilderment. She closely resembled Alice spinning in Wonderland, anxiously anticipating of the next bizarre event. Confused, she struggled with the self-evident fact that suddenly there were options. Options she had either considered lost, or never considered at all.

Harm was uncertain of the depth of the Admiral’s intentions, but the surface was unquestionably clear. Unwilling to allow her to be torn, either by loyalties, or the advances of two powerful personalities, he quietly moved to the line. Given no indication she would have him, his strongest immediate instinct was to protect her. With quiet determination, he raised his eyes to his CO and picked up the gauntlet.

“Colonel, I suggest you spend your available free time helping the Commander reorganize those files,” the Admiral’s smile was deceptively benign, but his tone was an order.

“Yes, sir,” they replied in unison, the moment of silent communication broken.

Mac’s face masked her conflicting emotions. She was uncertain whether she relished the thought of spending time with Harm or dreaded it. An odd rivalry had just been established and the woman in her recognized that she was undoubtedly the target. She certainly questioned the circumstances of the accident, but could find no basis for her suspicion when she examined it logically. However, the level of testosterone in the room was undeniable, and it defied logic.

AJ watched as the two confused attorneys knelt to gather the reams of paperwork. His last view of his senior officers, as he turned towards his office, was of them together, on their hands and knees, reaching under and behind furniture picking files from nearly every surface in JAG ops. A slow crafty smile crept across his face as he closed his private door.

End of part four

The Rabb Mosaic
Part Five

Sarah Mackenzie’s Apartment
21:30 Tuesday

It was the slight change in air pressure, the faintest shift in air current, more than any sound, which first alerted Sarah Mackenzie that her front door had opened. The picture of her and Harm, side by side on their hands and knees, with files spread across her floor was a vision she could only begin to imagine.

“Well isn’t this cozy,” came the sneering voice of her default lover.

If anything were guaranteed to arouse Mac’s combative temper, it would be aspersions cast on her duty as a Marine, certainly followed closely by the irony of distrust from the one person who had so obviously misused her trust.

“Excuse me?” she answered, rising too quickly from the floor. She stumbled slightly, her ankle numbed from sitting on it. Harm caught her arm and righted her. Webb’s sharp eyes raked the scene, finally resting on the tall Commander’s close presence directly behind her, his hand still resting on her arm.

She could feel Harm’s body heat, he was standing so close, but she felt something else as well. Close as he was, his posture was neutral, with every indication that he would step away, as his hand slid from its hold. Fear gripped her as she imagined his withdrawal. In an instant her choice was made, with no conscious thought, no careful consideration, no concern that he might not want her. Here and now, she had one last chance to try for her future. She had to put a stop to this immediately. Before she could say a word, Clay spoke.

“Is this what you do when I’m gone Sarah?” he sneered, “fill in with Rabb, your ever faithful lap dog?”

Mac saw red. Harm took a lateral step.

“Mac, should I get going…?” Harm offered. He would leave only at her request; to allow them time alone, or possibly to prevent himself from punching Webb in the face.

“No, Commander,” she ordered in her best Marine voice, “as you were.” Resorting to the comfort of military structure allowed her to gather her resources and deal with only one complication at a time.

Stunned, Rabb held his place, fascinated against his better judgment to observe how she would handle this potentially ugly situation. Determined to give her whatever backup she required.

“For your information, Agent Webb,” she rounded on him in a deadly calm voice, “this is business. We are working on a case,” she continued with deceptive control. Uh-Oh, thought Rabb, I know that voice.

“Oh really?” was his clumsy retort. Webb was woefully unfamiliar with the complex levels if his newest conquest. “Do you always prepare cases by dumping the files in a box and crawling around on the floor to sort them? It’s an ingenious system.” His deprecating sarcasm was gaining him even less favor than she had intended for this predestined conversation. She was only making allowances for the current element of surprise. She hadn’t planned it to happen this way.

“How I prepare my cases, or who I fill my time with, may not be as much your business as you would like to think it is, Webb,” she answered evenly, catching the barely noticeable light of understanding flash in his eyes. “And incidentally, I don’t tolerate guests in my home being called derogatory names, nor do I recall giving you a key to my door.”

Webb’s glance flicked to Rabb’s stoic stance, holding position to her left and two steps behind her. His eyes returned to Mac, ignoring the comment about Rabb entirely. The fact of the situation was apparent; it was obviously work. The underlying truth hanging thick in the air, was something he decided not to challenge. His instincts and training encouraged him to fade from the confrontation. He would fight that particular battle from another angle on another day. Unfortunately for Webb, he reckoned without the knowledge and determination newly acquired by one very displeased Lt. Colonel.

“Fine, whatever, maybe you can finish it tomorrow at work,” he gave his fake winning smile. “I’ve had a difficult trip and I’m exhausted. I’m going to bed. You can go now, Rabb, I’ll help Sarah pack this stuff in her car in the morning. And ‘incidentally’” he stressed the word, “your door was unlocked.”

Of course it was, she remembered. She always felt safe with Harm’s presence; she hadn’t thought to relock the door after he entered. Undeterred by this minor distraction she readdressed his presumption.

“I beg your pardon,” Mac’s voice was still deadly but no longer calm. “We have several more hours worth of work to do here Webb. If you’re so tired, I suggest you find your way home to that nice safe apartment of yours. I’m certain after such a stressful mission you will feel much more comfortable surrounded by your sophisticated security devices.”

“Now, Sarah, don’t be that way, I thought after six weeks you’d be glad to see me,” he wheedled suggestively. “Six weeks is a long time, surely you must have missed me.”

With her newfound understanding of listening to everything Clay didn’t say, she realized he had said nothing about missing her. She sighed heavily. Her entire body moved with the breath, then relaxed deceptively as she gathered herself. Webb took it as surrender; Harm knew it for what it was. Clayton Webb had just burned his last chance to make this conversation work.

“Mr. Webb,” she started in a voice icy enough to sink a carrier, “you have been gone for six weeks. And I would be willing to wager that during that time, if I had needed either your company or your help, you would have been unavailable to oblige me. Am I correct?”

“C’mon, Sarah, you knew what my job was like from the beginning,” he almost whined.

“Correct,” she replied in the same frigid voice, “and you knew I was in the military. I have orders from my commanding officer to work on this case, and unfortunately for you, that means I will be unavailable. I suggest you leave now so I can get back to work.”

Rabb’s eyebrow shot upwards in shocked surprise. He had just witnessed the catastrophic failure of their relationship occur before his eyes. His assessment of the validity of their bond notwithstanding, Mac had appeared to be happy.

He had been loath to interfere, but now he was bemused by a new consideration. She may not have been as content as she pretended. Behind the surprise, he couldn’t help holding the tiniest flicker of pride in his best friend for taking a stand. There was even the rapidly forming possibility of another chance with her. It was this last emotion above all others that was most apparent to the errant spy.

Stunned, Clayton Webb stared at her, steeling his resolve not to weaken his position further by acknowledging Rabb’s reaction.

“Fine, okay. I can see you’re busy. I was out of line,” he said in a voice that indicated he believed anything but this self-evident fact. “I’ll….I’ll check back tomorrow, maybe we can have dinner and talk, Sarah,” he offered. Ever the spy, ever the clever manipulator, he was retreating to keep his position intact, instead of pushing a losing issue.

“Don’t bother,” Mac suggested, fully aware of his tactics now, and wondering why she had been so blind to them. “I’ll be busy all week with this case and next week too. I’ll call you if I have any free time.”

“Be reasonable, Sarah.” he tried one last time, “you can’t be working this weekend too. We could have dinner on Friday. I think we need to talk.”

“No, Clay, I’m busy Friday. I have an engagement. And Saturday I’ll be working on this case again. I said I’d call when I’m free,” she stood her ground, perhaps too firmly, but inside she knew she wasn’t yet strong enough for compromise. Maybe later she could face him again.

With one last long hard look at her, and a mere passing glance at Harm that attempted to dismiss his significance, he nodded. “Bye, Sarah,” he turned and walked through the door, “see you later,” he muttered as he closed it firmly behind him.

Silence ensued for more than a few heartbeats, as she slowly brought her breathing under control. Harm said nothing, holding perfectly still, knowing she needed to compose herself before she recognized he was still here. He was completely unaware it was because of his presence that she had the courage not to fold under the pressure of confrontation. It was the very reason she had virtually ordered him to stay.

Deep down she struggled with the admission, it was much easier to face an entire platoon of sworn enemies with a rifle and a combat knife, than one man who was after her heart and knew which buttons to push. Silently lecturing herself on learning to distinguish between a desire for her heart and possession of her body, she forced her mind to relax and face the only man she had ever completely trusted.

Taking a final deep sigh, she turned and smiled at Harm, “Shall we continue?” she waved to the mess on her living room floor. A deeply buried part of her fervently wished her friend still wanted her heart. The realization of his tangible desire had come too late, and now she wasn’t sure the flame could be rekindled.

A look of concern flooded his features, “Are you okay?” he asked.

“No, not quite, not yet, but I think I will be soon,” she replied with a sad determined smile. She could accept graciously for now, that he genuinely cared. It was a place to start.

“Do you think…uh that is, will he come back? Will you be okay? ….later I mean,” he worried.

“Yeah I’ll be fine. He won’t be back tonight. Mic would have,” she murmured half to herself, “but Clay will need to regroup. He may come back eventually, but if he does I have some very hard questions for him, and I don’t think he has satisfactory answers,” she informed Harm, her voice becoming firmer as she spoke. “Now let’s get to work okay? We have an Admiral to keep happy.” This time her smile was genuine.

“Okay,” he agreed with an answering smile, optimistic for the first time in a year. He would wait patiently for an opportunity to convince her that his intentions had substance. Realizing now what those intentions were, he had only to find a way to state them.

End of part five

The Rabb Mosaic
Part Six

Wednesday
Pentagon

Admiral AJ Chegwidden crossed the outer area of the Secretary of the Navy’s offices holding himself as proud and tall as he ever had during his thirty years of Naval service. He wasn’t a vain man, but he was pleased that he still cut a fine figure in his uniform.

Another step had been taken in his out-processing to retirement. Informal though it was, Secretary Sheffield had called him in to discuss possible replacements. The man had actually tried several times to talk AJ out of leaving, but finally accepted the decision as final. Now he was looking for a transition to new management that would retain the team spirit, while injecting new enthusiasm into a situation that had gone admittedly stale in the past year.

AJ understood that part of the problem. It had been miserable bad luck compounded by the mishandling of those circumstances. He accepted the blame for that. Too much personal stress had forced its way into their working environment. He’d made the mistake of getting too close to his people. In the beginning, it had served well in creating a cohesive unit. However, when their individual lives had taken blow after blow they found that their intimate circle was too small. They were no longer equipped to take on one another’s distress. None of them had any more to give, and each in turn had crawled into an emotional hole and pulled it closed behind.

Surprisingly Bud Roberts had actually fared the best. He’d proved resilient after coming to terms with his disability and overcoming the setbacks, but there had just been too much. Even the famous Roberts sunshine had dimmed under the emotional storm.

As he reached the outer door, aware that the glances of several inappropriately young women had followed him across the room, his level of male pride was sufficiently aroused to fractionally reduce his self-control. This imbalance left him unprepared to deal with the pair of sparkling, sensual blue eyes that suddenly danced through the door.

They both stepped back from the near collision, but an unexpected electric arc fired that might just as well have been physical contact.

“Kate!” his unguarded exclamation was amended quickly. “Uh… Commander Pike.”

“Admiral, so nice to see you again, sir” she replied formally, her eyes tangled with a startled suggestion that her demeanor denied.

“It’s nice to see you too,” he responded, some of his line officer control reasserting itself. Slightly bemused, he reminded himself that his retirement could easily remove the threat of court martial that his thoughts had suddenly conjured.

“Are you…that is…when did you return to DC?” he questioned awkwardly. An awareness of their surroundings filtered through his distraction.

She smiled; her slow melting smile that usually had lesser men in a puddle at her feet. “I’m assigned to this office now, sir,” she answered. “I’m working with Commander Manetti in her special section.” She was enjoying AJ’s struggle entirely too much. He had to regain command of this conversation.

Taking a deep calming breath, he asked formally, “Do you have a moment Commander?” His mind had suddenly snagged a new tactic.

“Certainly, sir. Let me get rid of these files,” she indicated an arm full of folders, as she walked to a nearby cubicle and laid them in the center of her desk. Realizing that her initial reaction was inappropriate for their audience, she turned and as she rejoined AJ, she was all business. “I’d love to hear how my friends at HQ are doing sir, if you have a little time. I just returned to town and haven’t had time to contact anyone,” she offered in a completely neutral tone.

“Walk with me, Commander,” his voice was perfectly dispassionate, but a secret smile slid into place, as they walked through the door towards the coffee bar. After purchasing two cups they headed for the park like center of the five-sided military complex, then settled themselves at a small table before speaking again.

“Kate,” he began informally, “I’d like to ask you a small favor.” His wheels were turning; she was just the monkey wrench he needed to blow the lid off the Rabb/Mackenzie standoff. This would either make or break them. Whatever happened, AJ decided, the possibilities were a win/win situation for him.

“Anything sir, how can I help?” The suggestive sparkle had returned to her eyes, but it was more subdued now. Kate Pike wasn’t ever one to shrink from a challenge, but her career had hit a few boulders. She was painfully aware of the care she would need to exercise, if she decided to stay another ten in the Navy. This assignment with Tracy Manetti was designed to be either a stepping-stone, or a final posting, depending on her decision in eighteen months.

As AJ outlined his plan, her sparkling laughter danced lightly off the nearby trees.

“You can’t be serious sir. Harm without a date? It’s unbelievable; the Harm I knew didn’t go ten minutes without a woman on his arm.” Then she caught herself, “I’m sorry sir, that comment was tantamount to gossip, highly inappropriate.” She tried to order her face into a chagrined expression, but the light in her eyes belied her apology, and her lips struggled valiantly to contain a merry smile.

AJ just grunted, “I know, hard to believe isn’t it?” He wondered at the fireworks the former JAG had to wade through, when Harm and this woman worked in the same office. They were formed from the same mold. Harms fire had been dimmed by events and probable heartache the past year or so, but at the time that they were partners AJ doubted that either had allowed emotional concerns to interfere with their overtly physical natures. It must have been like trying to control a couple of whirlwinds. AJ shook his head and shrugged slightly in sympathy for their unfortunate CO.

Often in the last three years, he had blessed his stars that she had turned down his offer to join the staff at HQ. The thought of having to court martial his three top attorneys for the five-way mess that could have been, gave him more than a few sleepless nights.

Now, AJ decided, this lovely sensual woman could provide the catalyst needed to penetrate Rabb’s cloud cover. One possible outcome would allow Mac to finally slip beneath the veil. The unfortunate opposite result could be to solidify the fog into a sheet of ice that would forever remain in place. In that case, AJ would step in and offer Mac a comfortable alternative.

“Formally Kate, the invitation to me was to bring members of my JAG staff as I saw fit. You were once a member of my staff,” his convoluted justification offered deniability for his little operation.

“Of course, sir,” she responded, her face a barely controlled mask of anticipation. “But there’s more isn’t there?”

He sighed and looked away, deciding just how much he could trust her and how much he wanted to explain. Returning his gaze to her, he saw the gleam of conspiracy light her eyes, she was obviously game for whatever plan he presented. He suddenly found himself reassessing just how he wanted this maneuver to turn out. The response in her eyes was immediate the moment he telegraphed his decision.

“I trust you realize, Commander, that if anyone gets wind of this we could both end up without our pensions,” he continued, offering a smile that held more than conspiracy.

“I think that would be a very good indication we shouldn’t get caught, Admiral,” her lips curled suggestively and she lowered her voice.

JAG HQ
One hour later

“Commander, a moment of your time please?” AJ stood in the doorway of the embarrassingly small office, currently occupied by the single best, and least controllable officer he had ever worked with.

“Sir.” Harm came straight up out of his chair with the totally unexpected surprise of his CO at his door. Immediately he was uncomfortable with AJ’s motives, it would have been easier for the man to summon him.

“As you were, Commander. This isn’t a formal call. It’s almost social in a way,” the playful twinkle in AJ’s eyes contradicted the cool informal tone of his address.

“Yes, sir,” He responded, politely offering his CO a chair with his hand, and reseating himself at his desk. For several beats, Harm held a look of curious patience while the Admiral toyed with his balance.

“As you know, Commander, the dinner on Friday is a formal affair,” AJ began ponderously.

“Yes, sir,” the hair on the back of Harms neck began to tingle.

“And as such, usually the table for dinner is required to balance for proper social interaction,” he continued as though lecturing a plebe on etiquette.

“Yes, sir,” Harm parroted again, his mouth dry as cotton, and full-blown alarm bells sounding in his head.

“So, in keeping with protocol I’ve invited another JAG officer to be your dinner companion,” AJ finished with a flourish.

Harm was speechless for a full minute, as a deep chill ran the length of his spine. “You set me up with a blind date, sir?” he blurted, his face registered a countless assortment of emotions.

“Of course not, Commander, do I look like Dolly Levi,” he responded with exaggerated patience, playing with his young officer.

“No…uh…no, sir,” Harm could barely swallow much less talk, “but…but…”

“She’s actually a former JAG officer, but still she qualifies for the invitation. You all know her, so it shouldn’t be awkward….found her in the Sec Navs office when I was visiting Sheffield today,” AJ added conversationally, as though it was a perfectly logical explanation.

Harms mind whirled with the possibilities and landed like a roulette ball on the only available name. “Tracy Manetti, sir?” His discomfort level was threatening his blood pressure.

“No, Commander, and old…um ‘friend’ of yours was recently assigned a duty station in the Pentagon,” he put heavy suggestive emphasis on the word friend.

“Sir?” Harms voice raised a terrified octave.

“Kate Pike,” he smiled with near innocent accomplishment. “I understand you had a very successful ‘working’ relationship,” the Admiral finished blandly.

“Kate? Oh god, Admiral, Kate?” He barely coughed the words. The look of utter consternation flooding his features was more than sufficient reward for AJ, even if this didn’t turn out as he planned.

Barely containing his devious glee, he maintained a straight face as he stood and laid a business card on Harms desk face down. “This is her address and phone number. Touch bases with her and work out a time to pick her up. We can’t have the lady driving herself to a party now can we?” he dealt the final blow.

“No, sir,” Harm's reply was weak, as the Admiral walked out his door. AJ maintained barely enough control to contain his laughter until he was out of earshot. He truly couldn’t wait until Friday.

End of part six

The Rabb Mosaic
Part Seven

Wednesday evening

She opened her door with the expectation of finding her partner, surprised that he was half an hour early. He was never early, he’d probably be late for his own funeral, an event she shunned contemplating. Her surprise was even deeper when she looked into the composed face of her CO, Admiral AJ Chegwidden. He was the last person Sarah Mackenzie expected to find calling on her.

He took in her startled expression, her suddenly uncertain body language, and decided he was having the desired effect. He would keep them all off balance until his mission was complete.

“Uh, sir, I wasn’t…that is…,” she stumbled. In all their time serving together, she never remembered the Admiral coming to her apartment.

“Evening, Mac, you busy?” he asked with exaggerated nonchalance.

“Uh…no, sir, that is Harm…uh…the Commander is coming over to work on our case, but…sorry, sir, forgot my manners. Please, come in.” she finally stuttered to a finish.

“Thank you. Ah yes, the case,” he smiled secretly. Casually, he walked through the door as though it were an every day occurrence. He’d learned early in his career as an officer, to own any room he occupied. It had been something he’d practiced and perfected. It always annoyed him slightly that the same effect came so naturally for Rabb. Perhaps it caused some of the strife between them, the unavoidable friction of two alpha males in the same territory.

She closed the door obviously a little unstable, upset with her own nervousness. “Can I offer you something, sir? A drink that is,” she amended, feeling foolish as she said it. “I mean, I haven’t anything but water or soft drinks, or I could make some coffee,” she brightened. She was babbling.

AJ allowed just the tiniest flicker of amusement to show at her discomfort. Just enough to let her know he recognized it; subdued enough to ease her mind so she could function.

“Coffee would be lovely thanks, if it’s no trouble,” he smiled warmly, allowing her to calm down.

“No, sir,” she returned the smile hesitantly, “no trouble at all, it’s already set.” Quickly she dashed into the kitchen.

Slipping into a chair at her table, he listened to her rummage in the cabinets. He heard the cups clank nervously, then watched as her shadow on the wall leaned into the counter, while she took several deep, calming breaths.

A moment later, she stood in the doorway. “How do you like it, sir, the coffee that is,” a trace of nervousness returned. She was imagining a double meaning in every comment and AJ decided it was best to play it straight, he didn’t want her so upset she couldn’t think at all. “Black will be fine, Mac, and call me AJ. We’re off duty, remember?” he answered graciously.

“Yes s… uh, AJ, it will only be another minute or two,” she seemed to regain some of her composure. He was speculating what her possible reaction would be when Rabb arrived. Yes, indeed, this was going to be quite an adventure. He would feel truly guilty right about now if his intentions weren’t so damned honorable.

Returning a few minutes later with the steaming mugs, she handed him one before taking another chair. They sipped the hot brew cautiously for a minute or two, before he felt her gather her courage. He knew she wanted to ask the question that burned in her mind since he arrived.

Anticipating her, he cut her off. “I bet you wonder what brought me here,” he offered candidly.

“Yes,” she responded with caution, “I was surprised, I mean I expected Harm, but he’s usually late instead of early.”

“Then he’s a fool,” AJ stated cryptically, but before she could respond or even wonder at his meaning, he continued. “I found these behind the copier, they’re for your case,” his look was one of helpful innocence as he handed her three files. She could easily argue that the files might have waited until morning. He could see the struggle in her eyes to make that comment, but she lowered them and took another sip of coffee.

“Behind the copier?” she questioned. Though regaining her voice, she was still processing the comment about Rabb’s tardiness.

“The repairman found them this evening, they blocked an air vent causing the motor to burn out,” he explained with just the right amount of disapproving gruffness.

“Oh, I’m so sorry, sir. I…uh…AJ, if you need to charge off the repair…” she trailed off as he waived his hand dismissively

“No problem, Mac, it was an accident. Don’t worry about it,” he returned generously.

She nodded and looked at him for several breaths, still wondering at the undercurrent she was feeling. It had been there all week, ever since Monday.

“Sir,” she ventured, “about last Friday. I wanted to say,” she paused searching for the right words, “I know I shouldn’t have fallen apart like that.”

“Don’t concern yourself about it, Mac,” he replied, his voice somewhat husky. It was deepened with genuine concern rather than any inappropriate suggestion. “I should have recognized long ago what was happening, that’s what commanding officers are supposed to do. I have to apologize, I haven’t seen to my troops very well this year,” he finished in genuine contrition.

“Is that why you’re retiring, sir?” she asked with stunning forthrightness.

“Some of it,” he admitted, “but there are other reasons, too. It’s time,” he finished confidently.

“You helped me,” she offered. “Friday, I mean.”

He just looked at her, a curious expression slipping into place.

“I’ve been thinking about what you said,” she continued as he nodded. “I feel like a fool for not considering, not realizing some of it,’ she admitted.

“No need for that, Mac, don’t beat yourself up about things you had no way of knowing,” his voice had morphed to a kindly tone. He was briefly the father figure again. The male challenger temporarily set aside. “If you have been thinking, that’s all I can ask, as much as I’d hoped for,” she missed the look that flashed over his face, as he recognized this large step towards the success of his hastily contrived plan.

“Yes, sir. I think,” she started, but was cut off by a demanding knock on her door. “Now, who….” she began. An anxious look jumped to her features as she moved to the door.

“Good evening, Sarah, may I come in?” AJ heard the familiar voice.

“Clay, what are you doing here? I told you…” she started. Ignoring her protest, he walked into the room without further invitation. AJ stood and turned folding his arms over his chest just a little less than casual. His eyes locked with disapproval on the unworthy spy.

Clay’s demeanor changed the moment he noticed the powerful officer. A look of resignation flickered across his features, but with courage drawn from somewhere, he reasserted himself.

“How interesting, Sarah. First I find you with Rabb, and now AJ,” he sneered accusingly.

“Just what are you saying, Clay?” she asked, her tone dangerously even.

“I’m saying its fascinating how you seem to have all this time to spend, but none of it with me,” his voice dripped with the venom of jealousy.

“Clay, stop, just stop it now. I told you I was busy, and I told you I would call you when I wasn’t busy. If you insist on coming here without warning…,” she paused, and AJ saw the physical manifestation of her mental regroup. The set of her back changed subtly, a signal recognized by one combat veteran of another. She was preparing herself for a battle.

“So let me get this straight,” he interrupted, “if I call first it will give you time to clear out the men you are entertaining. Is that it, Sarah?” In a flash both Mac and her CO realized that the reckless courage of his accusations had originated in the depths of a bottle. He wasn’t so drunk to be noticeable, but he had consumed enough, regularly enough, to loosen his tongue to an uncontrolled level. “I think you owe me an explanation, Sarah.”

“I owe you,” she repeated levelly, “that’s what this has all been about hasn’t it, Webb?” The light that flashed in her eyes mirrored the dangerous thoughts assaulting her mind. The liquor of calm slipped smoothly over her tongue, tempering her voice to icy steel.

“You knew you wouldn’t break, didn’t you?” she stated, needing to say no more, he understood and stared helplessly. “You knew it and he knew it. Didn’t you?”

“Sarah,” he tried with an ineffective wave.

“Answer me, Webb,” she insisted still steely.

“Yes, I knew, he knew,” he admitted quietly.

“You played me; you both knew I would be the one to break.” She accused

“No! No, Sarah. I knew…I hoped,” he amended, “they would find us.”

“Perhaps,” she allowed, “but if they didn’t, it would be the Marine who gave it up, not the CIA. Or maybe you should call yourself CYA,” she suggested bitterly. “You’d still get your star on the wall wouldn’t you?”

“You didn’t know anything, Sarah,” he looked like a ghost, “you couldn’t tell him anything,” he tried again.

“All part of the plan,” she supplied, “he would believe what he got from me. He was using your torture against me; you knew it and played him. When I gave it up, he’d believe what he heard. We’d both die, but it would be my information not yours he would act on.”

“But we didn’t die, Sarah, he never touched you,” Webb coaxed.

“No, but that was thanks to Harm, not you,” she said softly. The seeming caress of her words over the other man’s name was more than a slap in Webb’s face. His head came up suddenly, his tone accusing. He looked straight at AJ. “He told you didn’t he? He divulged classified information.”

She cocked an eyebrow at him, “So, now I’m not only expendable, I’m stupid too. Didn’t you think I could figure this out? Once I started thinking clearly it was like crystal, Clay,” it was a small lie, but necessary, and it no longer mattered. She was fully aware of the rules of the game. Her sudden use of his first name showed him more than anything else could, that he had lost something he never believed he could have had, even for the wrong reasons.

“It seemed odd to me that you weren’t available for that final little operation against Sadiq, but suddenly you were there when I needed comfort. Was that more of your plan to draw me in, or was it accidental?” Her voice once again tempered steel.

“Kershaw wouldn’t let me in, he said he couldn’t afford to risk me,” Webb admitted ashamed.

“But I was expendable, just like in Paraguay, I was expendable. You know, Clay, I’m a Marine. I can understand being expendable if necessary, but it really wasn’t fair not to tell me. You could have let me know, I could have planned differently. It was complete chance I survived either operation wasn’t it?” She brought it all together.

He didn’t look at her, he looked into the flint like eyes of her CO. He saw then that wherever her information came from, they had closed ranks. He wouldn’t be allowed back in.

He nodded his head in defeat. Pulling himself into a defensive position he started to say something else, “Kershaw…I don’t really know what…” he trailed off. “Sarah, I’ll be gone for a while. If you care, call mother, not the agency,” he turned to go, and with the door open, he slowly turned back. “Don’t ever accept another mission from them, Sarah,” he almost whispered, “Resign first, but don’t go near them.”

The door closed on his warning and he was gone.

End of part seven

The Rabb Mosaic
Part Eight

Wednesday evening
Sarah Mackenzie’s apartment

They stood unmoving for several moments, suffocating in the protective silence that separated them from the implied threat.

“What do you think he meant, sir?” she finally asked in a hushed whisper.

“I don’t know, Colonel,” he answered thoughtfully, with more caution than fear in his undertone. “But I’m damn sure going to make it my business to find out.”

He saw her nod but she remained unmoving, as though frozen by indecision, wary of an unseen menace. His ire escalated that she should feel intimidated in her own home. He could see the visible crumbling of her spirit from across the room.

A loud beat suddenly echoed through the room. Startled, she froze like a hunted animal. The rapping repeated, accompanied by a voice.

“Mac, it’s me, open up. Are you ok?” The worried tone of her partner’s voice penetrated the wood, galvanizing her into action. She almost ran to the door, flinging it open so hard it hit the wall.

AJ’s presence was completely forgotten. At the sound of Harm’s voice, every thought fled from her mind, except the safety offered by the tall man’s presence. Half expecting from her demeanor, that she would throw herself into the Commander’s arms, he was somewhat surprised when she stopped barely short of the anticipated action. Rabb’s body language left no doubt that he was fully prepared to catch and comfort her.

Stepping quickly into the room Harm’s eyes targeted only her, his large hands grasped her shoulders gently, with the touch of concern. His presence filled the area as AJ could have only ever hoped to do, naturally and without effort. His aura expanded to include her, shielding her until he identified the source of her fear.

It was in this very moment that the fog lifted, the layers shifted, and the pieces trembled, giving AJ a clear image of the male animal beneath. Behind the tattered curtains of the gentleman officer torn by life’s events, the bold aviator damaged by the circumstances of flight, the intuitive lawyer battered by the relentless waves of the UCMJ, beneath the visibly moving pieces of the mosaic that was Harmon Rabb, his commanding officer saw not a broken or mended man, but a man of tempered strength. The shell hid a man of great personal power who had survived and grown stronger with each misfortune. Every piece, every level, kept firmly veiled beneath the cloaking shades of his potent illusion.

Instantly he understood the shield, it would only be lowered in absolute need, but it would always part for her. This he reasoned was the source of the strength Rabb used to follow her to Paraguay, and the power beneath that allowed him to succeed. The covering layers had worn thin, weakened by subsequent incidents. They no longer remained easily in place. When she was threatened, he nearly lost control of them completely.

AJ wondered if this time she had actually seen through the cloud he cast.

“Mac, are you ok,” he repeated, shoving the door shut with his foot.

“I’m fine, Harm. Webb was here,” she responded, unconvincing and oblique.

He looked at her warily, “I know, I saw him in the hall. He said something about being defeated by an unexpected foe.”

She tilted her head, angling her eyes to hold his.

“What did he mean, Mac? He said I should….” A wisp of movement in her shoulders, the tiniest shift of her head, signaled a language between the two that spoke volumes without a word. Instantly the tall commander’s attention moved from her face to his CO, quietly holding post in her dining room. If the Admiral could have seen her face it would have confirmed what he suspected. That the barest change in her eyes, the imperceptible narrowing, had warned Harm they were not alone.

“Should what, Commander?” AJ challenged. His rivalry locked in place for Harm to examine.

“That I should call him sometime and we would have a drink,” Harm replied blandly, the lie effortless, but unconvincing. A passable fiction, easily ignored. He had straightened fully, from the earlier stance of concern as he bent to her. With casual decisiveness, he stepped slightly past her as she turned. Feeling this was the lesser of the threats that held her, it was at least a currently identifiable one.

“How are you this evening, sir?” Harm inquired, suddenly both informal and polite. His eyes steady in feigned unsurprise at finding their CO in Mac’s apartment.

“Fine, Commander, and you?” he would play the game out. He’d recognized that if the Commander used even a fraction of his personal strength in support of his feelings towards the Colonel, AJ’s quest would be a lost cause.

“No problems, sir,” he answered, with the somewhat vacuous grin that Harm reserved for assessing and disarming uncomfortable situations.

With those words the tension passed, the shield locked into place, leaving AJ unsure if Sarah Mackenzie had seen the man underneath. Uncertain if she suspected he was there all the time. Her body relaxed visibly, a lesser woman would have folded completely.

“You’re early, Harm,” she smiled brightly. She stepped beside him, pleased to disprove her earlier comment to AJ.

He smiled a very private smile meant only for her, then shrugged it causally aside, “Couldn’t wait,” he said in a tone that sounded light, unless you looked into his eyes.

Taken aback by this sudden declaration, and unprepared to deal with the possible meaning, she fell silent for a moment. But the body movement that again placed Harm slightly between her and AJ was not lost on her. AJ saw her mentally reforming her lines and waited for the result.

“So Admiral what brings you here,” Harm asked his eyes hooded. The breathiness in his voice was clear evidence that he fully intended to ride this dangerous horse through the undercurrent of their burgeoning rivalry.

“Came to drop off some files. You lost them in your little accident in Ops,” AJ attempted to diminish the man.

“Must be important to the case for you to come so far out of your way,” Harm remarked, valiantly trying to keep the bite from his words.

“As you well know, Commander, all files are important to a case. Besides, I thought maybe the Colonel and I could exchange some more ‘war stories’.” AJ smiled toward her in personal acknowledgement of their shared confidence.

“Really?” Harm raised an eyebrow. “I rather thought most of the Colonel’s ‘war stories’ were highly classified.” They were both referring to Paraguay, and they knew it.

“An Admiral has an amazing security clearance, Commander,” his CO tried another move, raising the bar.

“Well, sir,” Harm smiled in checkmate, “In some operations, you just had to be there.” He referred blatantly to the fact that not only had he been there, but he’d gone without AJ’s permission.

The hard look in the Admiral’s eyes told him he’d hit his mark squarely, but perhaps unwisely.

“Enough,” she said from behind his shoulder, low, deadly, and dangerous.

Almost surprised by her presence they were so caught up in their posturing, both men turned to acknowledge her.

Harm spoke first, “Sorry, Mac. I guess we ought to get started on our files,” he suggested.

“No. I’d like you both to go,” she replied.

Harm looked stunned.

“Colonel, will you be all right?” the Admiral asked with overweening concern.

“Yes, sir,” she gritted her teeth. Unable to deliberately insult the man who had returned sanity to her life, she was unwilling to again become the victim of gratitude.

Shaken by the suddenly presumptive behavior of Harmon Rabb, the ludicrous suggestiveness in the demeanor of AJ Chegwidden, and her newly discovered status as a disposable pawn of the CIA she raised her defenses. Bargaining for time to sort these developments, she relied on the first excuse that came to her thoughts. “I just have a severe headache. I’d like to beg off company, or work, for the rest of the night. I’ll see you both tomorrow.” She tried a sympathetic smile that failed miserably.

Helpless to do more than succumb to her wishes, both men turned to the door. Each uncertain if the situation’s power position lay in exiting first or last, after a momentary dance, AJ exited first. As Harm turned to pull the door closed, bestowing an apologetic smile on Mac, the crafty Admiral fired his killing round.

“By the way Harm, did you tell the Colonel that Kate Pike is coming to the party as your date?” he asked in transparent innocence.

Harm's face crumbled in a landslide of emotion. He shook his head helplessly, trying to find a brief word that would reassure her.

“Mac,” was all that came out, before he felt the door pushed close on him, her face full of so many emotions he couldn’t sort them. His only conviction was that nothing he found in the fleeting countenance was good.

End of Eight

Rabb Mosaic
Part Nine

She leaned against the door, fiercely fighting the soft tears that dripped from the corners of her eyes. Unprepared to assess what just happened, she would refuse to play this game any more, if she could just figure out what the game was, and who she was playing with.

She fought the tears because she knew the source. Harm. Imagine. Kate Pike, of all people. If only he’d challenged the admiral in his own behalf instead of Clay’s. But that was Monday a lot of things had changed since Monday. At least for her they had changed, perhaps not so much for Harm. Why did the man have to be so complicated? All week she’d felt a closeness returning. Like what they used to have before….

Before what…before years and years of everything. They’d been torn apart so many times and come back, almost but not quite together. Perhaps it had been too much to ask, too much to believe it could happen one more time.

Time. Timing that’s what always got them. She was still with Clay or at least Harm thought so. How was he to know she’d been searching for weeks to find a way to end something that was never right. It hadn’t felt right from the beginning. It hadn’t started for the right reasons. It had only started out of desperation, fear, a disconsolate loneliness, whatever, it had pretended to be love as justification for its existence. But it was not love.

Love. What was love anyway? She loved Clay, but she loved him as she had loved Mic, or Dalton, or John, even the Admiral and Sturgis in a way, as another human being in her universe who meant something to her. Not as someone you could trust with your soul. Not as a person to work at sharing your life with. Not as someone to learn to live with, to love and find compromise.

Compromise, that was another one. She had repeatedly compromised herself in every other relationship, just to make it work, just to assuage the other person so they wouldn’t leave her. The one place she’d never compromised was in her relationship with Harm. She fought him every step.

She’d struggled for weeks to find a way to free herself from Clay, but no reason presented itself that was worth being alone. Finally, the Admiral had provided the reason, and it seemed so natural, so easy. Everything fell into place. Even Clay understood.

She still wasn’t certain of the Admirals motives, but she was learning well the lesson of gratitude. She was grateful to him for the information. Why he provided it, only he could tell. She saw no reason to ask.

More importantly now, she needed information about Harm. There’d been something new in him tonight. Something she’d never seen before. He’d always kept something hidden, and time and again she’d run from it, fearful that in finding it, she would find he was like all the others.

There would be no way she could survive if she found Harm was like the others. So instead of probing his hidden depths, she ran from them. But tonight they were there, laid bare of all his sheltering layers, it was in his eyes when he first arrived, before he noticed the Admiral. She’d finally seen the man beneath the smokescreen, and something else, there was something else in his eyes.

She couldn’t dare believe it revealed what she wanted to see, what she wanted to know. She wanted to be right, but how could she. He was seeing Kate, there was no way to believe. Whatever his reason, the Admiral had provided the needed information about Clay, but who would tell her about Harm. There was no one to ask, no one to tell her, how could she know, who could she believe, who would tell her…..

…who would tell her? She’d fallen fitfully asleep with that thought twisting in her mind, and it still tormented her hours later. A restless night pondering these thoughts had done nothing to clarify them. Typically, the lack of sleep was playing hell with any positive emotions, freely allowing a nervous negativity to dance gleefully across her heart and mind.

“Hi, Mac, can I talk to you?” he suddenly stuck his head through her office door.

Startled, her first instinct was to run, and as always, she reacted to it. “Sorry, Harm,” she replied blandly, “court in five minutes.” There was no way to convince herself she deserved an explanation. She’d been with Clay for months, he had no reason to explain a date to her. There was no reason to listen. It would be too painful to listen.

“How about lunch?” he tried again. “I’ll buy. I really need to talk to you.”

“Can’t,” she answered, keeping her eyes down and her voice neutral, “I have a client interview at the Navy Yard brig at 1215. Sorry again. Maybe another time,” she bustled past him, giving him no further alternative. Better to let him just drift away, than to listen to him tell her about his rekindled relationship. She’d been wrong last night. In the clear light of day whatever she thought was in his eyes was obviously a trick of light and mind.

Believing he wouldn’t pursue it, she put the entire situation out of her mind and arranged her thoughts to only one purpose. Beating the pants off Bud. A formidable task these days, as the young attorney had absorbed his mentors’ lessons well, and added some inventive twists of his own.

In truth, when lunch rolled around, she escaped the office confines for a personal appointment at Beltway Burgers. Hal would know what she needed, he would see her walk in and have her order custom made before she reached the counter. Good old Hal, she could always count on him.

“Here you are, ma’am,” he smiled his genuinely sunny smile at her, as he handed her the bag she knew would contain the triple bacon cheeseburger, double order of fries, and a giant soda.

“Thanks, Hal,” although deeply troubled, she returned his infectious smile as she handed him the money for her order and a generous tip. She could always count on Hal, she thought. A tiny notion playing hide and seek among her brain cells suggested that Hal wasn’t the only one she’d always been able to count on.

Funny thing though, she usually didn’t eat when she was despondent. Yet last night she fixed herself a potpie and a huge glass of milk after she sent the men away, and now she was eating a burger and fries. It was weird. How could her mind be so depressed without her stomach following suit. It always roiled at food when her mind and heart hurt.

Maybe, just maybe, her mind and heart were wrong, maybe her stomach knew the truth. Often she’d used her gut feeling when she needed to make a quick accurate decision, it had seldom failed her when she listened.

Her eating slowed sharply and immediately brought Hal to her table. “Is everything okay, Colonel?” he wiped his hands nervously on his apron and busied himself straightening the condiments.

“It’s fine, Hal, I just have some things on my mind that’s all. Could I get another small order of fries, please? I’m afraid I let these get cold,” she apologized.

“Coming right up, ma’am, can I refill your drink,” he asked anxiously.

“Sure, that would be nice,” she thanked him with her eyes, but her mind was elsewhere.

He bustled off across the restaurant, but she could feel him watching her. Hal was a good person, he worried about those he thought of as his people. She’d been on the receiving end of his concern more often than she cared to remember. She stared intently out the window, looking at nothing at all.

Returning shortly with her fresh food, he hovered longer than necessary. Forcing herself back to reality, she apologized and reached for her purse.

“Oh no, ma’am, I wrote it off as a bad order,” he smiled sheepishly. He couldn’t do that often, but he could this time. The Colonel looked very upset.

“Thanks, Hal, that’s nice of you,” she offered.

“Ma’am, is something wrong? I mean really wrong,” he inquired boldly.

“Why do you ask?” she wondered at his perception.

“Well, it’s sort of like this. When you’re happy, or just a little troubled you have a certain order, you eat it like…um,” he tried for a more diplomatic phrase than ‘hungry tiger’, “um…you really seem to enjoy it,” he finished triumphantly. “Then when you’re troubled or sad, you just have a shake or sometimes even a salad, but you just sort of push it around, you don’t really eat much. I worry about you then,” he admitted shyly.

She smiled at his perception but didn’t interrupt. Waving a hand towards the opposite chair, she invited him to sit.

He looked over his shoulder, saw his responsibilities were under control and lowered himself gingerly into the chair. “But this time, Ma’am, I mean I saw your face and saw this was a special order day, but then …well…you ate really good at first, but then it just sort of tailed off. Makes me worry that something really important is wrong. I don’t want to pry,” he hurried on dropping his eyes, “but…well…you’ve been a customer for a long time. You sort of seem more like a friend.”

She reached over and lightly patted his hand. “Thank you, Hal, that’s very nice of you. Actually, I do have something on my mind. About the biggest thing ever, but I guess I just have to figure it out,” she sighed wistfully. Hal recognized the look on her face and the source. He’d seen it so many times over the years.

“Is it about that nice, Commander?” he ventured to ask, emboldened by her confidence, “The tall one who really loves you?”

There, in one sentence he had put it all together.

“How…how do you know that?” she stumbled. “I mean, he wouldn’t tell you that,” she blurted, aghast.

“Oh no, ma’am,” he reassured her quickly. “It’s just that everyone knows, I mean it’s obvious. Just the way he looks at you, talks to you, the little touches when you’re together, even when you’re in uniform. We don’t see many men who hold a car door for the woman with them, or the front door either.

“That’s just Harm,” she tried to minimize it. “He has wonderful manners.”

“Yes, ma’am, but when he does it for you he has a look on his face that makes it different,” Hal insisted. “Even the other day, when you came in for lunch, he could hardly take his eyes off you. He had this special smile, watching you order your lunch. No doubt about it, ma’am, the Commander is head over heels,” he concluded positively, before he suddenly realized who he was talking to. “Uh…maybe I’ve overstepped my bounds, I’m sorry, ma’am. Like I said, I was just worried, I thought you felt the same way.”

“You know Hal, I think you may have just solved my problem, or at least given me a path. If nothing else, maybe I can find my best friend again,” she looked sad, but there was a spark of hope. “Thank you.”

“My pleasure, ma’am,” he was shy Hal again, as he rushed back to work. But she noticed a very pleased look on his face as she left the restaurant. Funny, she had dedicated her life to insuring the security of people like Hal, so they could go about their safe, simple lives in peace. It never occurred to her that someone like him would worry about her. It gave her a warm feeling.

Driving slowly back to work she pondered this new revelation found in the depths of dead cow, ketchup, and grease, as Harm had once so eloquently phrased it. Well you take you wisdom where you find it. She’d never really been the reflecting pool type.

It was late afternoon before he spoke to her again, her lunchtime revelation had grown shaky, the warm glow faded. She no longer felt as trusting of her stomach. In fact, it was rebelling slightly over the second order of fries. Of all the things she truly couldn’t handle well, an upset stomach topped the list. Added to her lack of sleep, it made her cranky and unreasonable.

He caught her halfway across the patio, on the way to her car.

“Mac, wait, I have to talk to you, please, you have to listen, you have to let me explain.” His eyes held a near desperation.

“Explain what, Commander?” she turned to him. “You don’t owe me an explanation.”

“I need to explain about Kate. I….you have to let me explain. You have to listen,” his eyes were intense, willing her to hear his words.

Fury, possibly charged by an upset stomach, leaped to her heart and mind. Bypassing her junk-food buried gut-feeling, it invalidated her earlier clarity. Once again, someone was ordering how she should feel. “Why, Commander, why do I have to. Do I owe you something? That’s it isn’t it, I owe it to you to listen to you, or maybe its gratitude. That’s it isn’t it? I should be grateful for all you’ve done, therefore I should…..” she faltered when he interrupted, his face still and pale, his jaw tight.

“No, Mac, you owe me nothing, and I don’t want your gratitude.” His eyes, cold and steely, fired from under the brim of his cap and sliced into the trees behind her. He didn’t look at her when he continued. “You only have to listen because I wanted you to. I wanted to tell you because I care about you,” his voice belied the look in his eyes. With deep resignation, he shrugged and continued, “But if you don’t care to hear, if you don’t want to know…” he turned and took two steps away before she reached desperately for his arm.

Instantly her head had cleared. “Harm, wait, please wait,” she was wrong, she didn’t quite know how, or why, or what she would do about it, but she couldn’t let him leave, of that she was certain. Reaching deep in her gut she came up with the words. The right ones. “I do care,” she almost whispered, “and I do want to know, please tell me.”

He hesitated several heartbreaking moments still half turned away, then taking a deep breath he slowly turned back. “It’s sort of a long story,” a half smile played about his lips.

Oh, please, don’t do that, her mind begged as her heart leaped forward. That smile was something she could never resist.

“I…uh…I have time,” she smiled shyly back.

“It might take all evening,” his grin broadened, teasing now, “you might not get any dinner.”

“Maybe we….that is… if you want, we could order in, but only if you want,” she rushed the final words.

“Chinese?” he offered.

“Chinese is good,” she agreed

“1830 your place?” he looked at his watch.

“That works,” she tried to accept calmly, but her heart was beating so fast she was sure he could see her chest move.

“Terrific,” he answered in full-blown flyboy mode, as he turned to his SUV. “See you then,” he called as he opened his car door. Then he winked at her, just before folding himself into the seat. Smiling in anticipation, he backed from his parking space and saluted her with a jaunty wave as he drove away.

Shaking her head, a very confused, but potentially very happy, Sarah Mackenzie collapsed her long legs into her sports car and headed out the gate. The Marine guard stared curiously, as he heard an ecstatic giggle bubble from under the fabric roof of her red car. Her giddiness might have been curtailed, had she been aware of the shadowy figure watching from a second floor window.

Driving straight to the market she purchased an assortment of cool drinks to add to their dinner. There was a fresh bag of evening blend coffee at home, but her supply of water, juice, and soft drinks was painfully low. Somehow on the way, her stomach rumbled. Amazingly, she was hungry again.

She shook her head, as her lunchtime revelation revalidated itself, wondering quietly at the paradox of a simple gentle person who’s lifestyle she was sworn to protect, caring enough to help her find her way.

End of nine

The Rabb Mosaic
Part Ten

Thursday 1705
JAG HQ

The information had filtered to him all day, both subtly and not, about the impending blowup between Hurricane Mackenzie and Mount St. Rabb. That suited the Admiral just fine. It wouldn’t last much longer he would see to that. In the first place, he had staked an interest in the outcome of this private little war, and in the second, he wasn’t leaving this mess for his successor. All the case notes in the world couldn’t explain the natural disaster of the last nine years.

If they weren’t such damn fine officers and outstanding attorneys, he would have fired both of them years ago. Oh wait, he’d tried that once with Rabb, it hadn’t work. The man’s work was just too good to let him go to waste. And if Mackenzie hadn’t come back on her own…. Well, he’d been just about to pay her a visit when she came asking to be let back in.

There were a few attorneys out there who would match their style and abilities someday. There were none who had developed as early and as brilliantly. The bottom line was he needed them in this office, far more than they needed him. They could go anywhere and make six figure incomes. It would be a serious loss to the JAG corps and their respective branches of service, to allow a personal problem to send them away. No, it unquestionably had to be solved, and it had to be solved now, this week.

A sly smile settled over his features as he watched the unheard byplay below his window. Body language told a lot, but still it would be helpful to hear the words. She was sending him away from her…he turned to go, excellent he’s folding Chegwidden thought. No, she reached out, Harm turned back. Interesting the tie is stronger than he thought. He’d remember that. A few more words, a friendly smile, and they parted. It could mean anything, they drove away in separate directions.

Fine, it looked like a momentary truce had been established. Gleefully, Admiral AJ Chegwidden thought of a way to lay a few more landmines. There would be a final outcome before tomorrow night ended, and it looked like there was the slightest possibility he was ahead in points. The fact that they were speaking civilly didn’t mean a lot. History had proven that no matter how much they spoke to each other, they were incapable of actually talking. They weren’t about to learn between now and tomorrow night.

Hmmmm! Martha had called a while ago, and asked him to stay the weekend at their farm in Virginia. Wouldn’t it be interesting to have a certain Marine Colonel as his companion? Now there was a thought that could cause him to lose sleep tonight.

Later
Sarah Mackenzie’s apartment

She finished putting away the groceries and stuck an assortment of drinks in the fridge to chill. Heading for the bedroom to change into her jeans and t-shirt, she calculated he would be there in twenty minutes, add the ten he was usually late and she would have just enough time to call in their order for dinner. They should arrive at nearly the same time.

As she exited the bedroom, a rapid knock sounded on her door. Annoyed at who might be intruding on her evening, she quickly considered the odds of ignoring it so the unwelcome guest would leave. A look through the peephole left her stunned, until the knock sounded again and he called her name

“Mac, it’s me. You okay?”

Fifteen minutes early. She frowned slightly, he was making a habit of this. It was definitely disconcerting.

Still uncertain where this night was going, she opened the door quickly and faced him with as much courage as she could muster. Whatever happened, she had determined on the drive home that by the end of the night she would have her best friend back. It was her goal. It was the only goal she could count on having a chance to accomplish. She wanted more, she desperately wanted more, but desperation had often caused serious mistakes in judgment. No, she decided no more desperation, no more debts, no more gratitude. They would move ahead to wherever the road took them, but it would only be the right moves for the right reasons.

Confident in her quest, she stepped aside so the tall, smiling Commander, casual in jeans and t-shirt, could enter. He moved gracefully into the room, his hands laden with bags of food. Passing close to her, he surprised her by leaning over and landing a quick touch and go on her forehead with those gorgeous lips she had long coveted.

“Hi, Mac, are you hungry?” he asked ingenuously. Projecting an air of comfortable familiarity, he turned towards the kitchen as though this happened every day of their lives.

“Uh… yeah, Harm,” she replied nonplussed. Shaking her head in disbelief, she closed the door and turned the deadbolt. After Clay walked in uninvited on Monday she wouldn’t leave the door unlocked regardless of who was here. Besides, she was still faintly disturbed by his warning. The Admiral had promised to look into his meaning, and several other conundrums regarding the disappearing spook, but so far he’d come up dry.

She contemplated the teenage concept of never washing her forehead again, however if this went the way she hoped, he would eventually kiss her lots of places, and she could hardly give up bathing forever. The thought brought a definite giggle, as she followed him to the kitchen

“What’s so funny, Marine?” he asked as he took the food packages from the bags.

Reluctant to share the true source of her mirth she commented, “I was just wondering. You’ve been early two days in a row, sailor, what gives?”

He smiled at her. Much as he would have liked to repeat last night’s unguarded declaration, he decided they had an immediate issue or two to resolve first. “The food was ready,” he shrugged, “I didn’t want it to get cold.” The twinkle in his eye was the only indication she had that he was playing with her.

There was more information in those sea green depths, than in his words. It amazed her to realize she’d never grasped that concept with Harm, in the entire nine years they’d known each other. It was a disturbing thought. What other signals had she missed this way? Shelving the disquieting idea, she turned her attention to how good it truly felt to have the light banter back. One step at a time, Mackenzie, she told herself.

True to his nature, Harm took over the kitchen, portioning out adequate but reasonable shares of all her favorite dishes. There was plenty for leftovers or seconds, but it looked to her like he’d brought half the output of the restaurant kitchen with him.

“Think we have enough food there, flyboy?” she asked lightly, looking over his shoulder. She felt him still briefly at her closeness. Now, what to make of that? Hmmm! That he was uncomfortable with her this near was apparent, but why, that was the question. Was it too soon to find out? After nine years, she didn’t think so. Taking his overall demeanor this week into account, and adding the kiss on her forehead, factoring in his insistence on seeing her and talking to her, she decided that his discomfort might be the good kind. Easy enough to prove. All she had to do was reach past him.

“‘Scuse me, Harm,” she murmured noncommittally, as she stretched for glasses in the cabinet over his head. Deliberately, she allowed her breast to brush against his arm. His hands stilled again, but this time he looked at her. There it was, in his eyes. Unmistakably the good kind of discomfort. She grabbed the glasses, smiled sweetly, and turned to the refrigerator.

“What do you want, Harm?” she asked. Her voice barely lowered, she was fully aware of the double meaning she gave her words.

“What?” he croaked.

“To drink,” she continued in a more innocent tone. “What would you like, water, juice, iced tea?

“Oh,” he let out his breath, “uh…iced tea,” he recovered.

Looking over her shoulder, she saw him shake himself slightly, but when he turned to her with the two laden plates, the confident flyboy grin was fully unfurled.

“Shall we?” he gestured to the dining area.

“Let’s,” she smiled, hoping that someday in the not too distant future, those words would have a different meaning. She would have to stop playing with him for now, stop teasing him, it wouldn’t be fair, but it was the fastest way to find out if they were on the same wavelength. Satisfied that they were, she concentrated on reweaving the fabric of their tattered friendship. It would be the solid basis for everything else she wanted.

Suddenly she realized that she wanted it all, and she wanted it with Harm, and by all that was holy, this time she would have it or know the reason why.

They made small talk as they ate. The agreement was both mutual and silent, to postpone the heavier issues for just a little while. They needed to reestablish their footing. Something was going on, and to her it felt imperative to have a level of stability between them while they figured it out.

Harm regaled her with a few stories of his CIA missions, leaving out the heavily classified details, but adding more than one boastful flyboy element to the tales. His desire to still impress her after all this time was utterly charming, and the information she could glean from between the lines gave her a pretty good picture of his activities for those missing six months.

She filled him in on a little office gossip and some elements of her confrontation with Sadiq. The office gossip amused him, but his worry lines reappeared at the mention of the terrorist. She hastened to explain in general terms that while she was still working through the after effects, she felt she had put a lot to rest very recently. He nodded understanding, but the stormy look in his eyes promised this wasn’t the last conversation they would have on the subject. There was no doubt in her mind the subject would be forced to surface again before they could hope for a happily ever after.

When they finished their dinner, Harm packed away the leftovers and Mac brewed a pot of her special evening coffee. Not the ‘stand up and march around the room’ morning stuff she liked, this was a special blend she found that was smooth, mellow, and almost naturally sweet. It was only sold at the little coffee house down the street. It was unlike anything even the big chains could match.

They quickly washed and replaced the few dishes before taking the tray with cups and pot to sit on the living room couch.

After much settling, arranging, pouring, fixing, and a few deep sighs, they finally ran out of delaying tactics and unsurprisingly started to talk at the same time.

“Harm you don’t have to….”

“Mac you won’t believe how….”

Laughing nervously she said, “You go first.”

“Ladies first,” he shook his head.

“I’m not a lady. I’m a Marine,” she countered a slight smile curling her lips.

“Not mutually exclusive, Sarah,” he addressed her in a manner that left no room for argument.

She dropped her eyes to the fascination of the swirling warm brew in her cup, “You don’t have to explain to me about Kate,” she said now less combative, but more fearful than when she’d said those words this afternoon.

“Yes, I do,” he replied. Reaching out he lifted her chin until he met her eyes.

“Mac, I didn’t ask her out,” he put his cup down and looked back at her. “Hell, I didn’t even know she was back in town.”

“Then how…?” she frowned, totally confused.

“The Admiral,” he gave a concise reply, his jaw tight.

“I don’t understand,” she was slipping back into Wonderland. It was the same feeling she had on Tuesday, right after their collision in the bullpen.

“I don’t either, or maybe I do,” he sighed rubbing his fingers through his hair.

A brief smile tickled the corners of her mouth. When he mussed his hair like that, he always looked so childlike. She could imagine a little boy who looked just like him, using his daddy’s gestures when he was frustrated or annoyed.

Whoa, Marine, a little ahead of yourself here, she reined herself back in, but the smile remained.

“So ‘splaine it to me, Lucy,” she covered her reverie with an old joke.

He looked at her hard for a minute, before making his decision. Taking the coffee mug from her hand, he set it down beside his, then scooted a little closer. He took both her hands in his needing a connection, what he was about to suggest made absolutely no sense, unless it did. That had him very nervous. Maybe it made perfect sense.

“Mac, have you noticed a pattern in the Admiral’s behavior this week?”

Reluctant to recognize the increasingly uncomfortable series of occurrences, she had pigeonholed each separately, but Harm had just torn away the separators, and she was face to face with reality.

She nodded in bewilderment.

“The way he arranged for you to be his date at the party,” Harm started.

“Harm we are representing the command at a formal function,” she protested

“We had this discussion at lunch on Monday, remember? But that wasn’t all,” he continued.

“Well I did have a funny feeling about that collision on Tuesday, after he assigned us that convoluted case to work together. I just couldn’t figure out how…” she trailed off.

“I can, and he did. It was all timing and vectors. The more I think about it, the more I’m convinced he set it up and executed it perfectly. What’s more, he did it in a heartbeat. He saw the possibility and timed it on the spot.”

She looked almost convinced, but it was so bizarre, “Why?”

This is where it got hard. Harm couldn’t lose her here. He held her hands tighter as he explained, “You Mac.”

End of part ten

The Rabb Mosaic
Part Eleven

He felt her try to jerk away, a clear sign she saw it too. Her next reaction would be denial. He held even tighter as she shook her head, “Think about it, Mac. Remember what happened after the collision, we were all standing there looking at each other. Mac in another century he would have challenged me to a duel, it was thick in the air.”

Slowly she nodded in agreement. That was exactly what she had seen; she just didn’t want to believe it.

“And last night,” she supplied.

“That too,” Harm agreed. “Mac, what happened before I got here?” he asked thoughtfully.

Defensively she pulled against his hold. “Nothing.”

“I know Mac, nothing like that, but something happened, I know,” his voice emphatic. “Yesterday was when he set me up with Kate.”

Her eyes flew wide-open, “H--he set you up? Y--you mean a blind date?” it seemed incredible.

“More like a blind-side,” Harm snorted ruefully. “No he gave me the plebe lecture on formal events, about balanced dinner tables, and told me he had provided another JAG officer to make the party even, then he ordered me to pick her up, ‘so the lady wouldn’t have to attend unescorted’. Jesus, Mac, you should have heard it.”

“I almost can,” she chuckled, imagining Harm’s discomfort in discovering not only was he set up with an unwelcome date, but it was Kate Pike of all people. Just the person to best…..she stopped flat in the middle of the thought, “push my buttons,” she finished out loud.

“What Mac?” Harm cocked his head at the half thought.

“She was just the perfect person to push my buttons,” she mused thoughtfully. “It might have been another accident, him running into her, or maybe it was planned, but he couldn’t have found a more perfect catalyst,” she concluded. “What’s happening here, Harm?” she stiffened warily.

“I think we’re being played, Mac. And I think I know why. We need to figure this out, work with me here,” he waited for her to agree. She thought for a moment before nodding once.

“Mac, last night when I saw Webb in your foyer, he said something about being defeated by an unexpected rival, that I should watch my back. I took him to mean professionally, something to do with the agency, until I got to your apartment. Mac what happened between you and Webb?” he narrowed his eyes at the question, knowing he didn’t want full details.

Shaking her head slowly she lowered her eyes. “It wasn’t right, Harm. I wanted to break it off, but I didn’t know why, I didn’t have a good reason. Friday, when the Admiral and I worked on operations all day…well…late that evening we started to talk over dinner. He told me some things. Some were classified, some were things I should have seen, should have known. They were all right there; I just hadn’t put them together. One was something I should have known about you, and didn’t.”

“Harm, why didn’t you ever tell me about the Chinese incident?” she looked like the world hinged on this incident.

His eyes masked at the remembered pain. “I don’t know. Would it have mattered?” he asked

“Yes,” she hissed vehemently. “Yes, it would have changed everything. Oh God, Harm, I’m so sorry. I didn’t think there was any way you could understand, that you could relate. That was so…so arrogant of me.” Slow tears of frustration started to fall.

“Hey, hey,” he reached up brushing them away. “Mac, we have to let some water go under the bridge, we just can’t relive everything. For now, let’s solve this puzzle and start from here, okay?” he suggested in the gentlest voice.

“ ‘kay,” she agreed sniffing slightly “Anyway,” she resumed her story with only an occasional hiccup, “I thought about it all weekend, and pretty much had it sorted out when Clay showed up Tuesday night. I…uh…I didn’t want to have a lover’s quarrel in front of you, but he was so damn obnoxious…” she cast around angrily, trying to find some logic in this mess.

“Then the Admiral came here last night,” she added to the list.

“Yeah, what was all that?” Harm was more curious than accusatory.

“I’m just not sure, it was almost like…like… but no, it couldn’t be,” she dismissed the thought with a shake.

“Like he was hitting on you?” Harm supplied with keen male perception.

She raised her head, “Yeah, in a way, only not. There was an aggressiveness in his demeanor, but it was subdued, not overt. More like scouting the territory?” she explained uncertainly.

“He was hitting on you,” Harm declared flatly, demonstrating an over-simplified male protectiveness.

She shrugged and smiled. They could argue the finer points of that another time as well.

“Anyway Clay showed up,” she went on, “and he was worse than on Tuesday. So, I gave it to him with both barrels. He was angry, but I almost think he understood. We were never right. He accused the Admiral of telling me classified things, so I defended him to Clay. AJ did tell me some things, but some of it I figured out. Harm there was that same thing going on between Clay and AJ, as there was between the two of you at work.” She still looked bewildered, but the facts were beginning to line up, just like a marching band a few steps before they make their next pattern.

“I---I’m glad you came to the door when you did, but by then the Admiral was acting more protective. Like he was worried about what Clay said.” She revealed.

“What did Webb say?” Harm’s sharp concern surfaced at the new information.

“He told me never to take another agency mission, to resign if I had to. That he was going away, and if I cared where to ask his mother. It was weird,” she laid the bombshell on him.

“Damn,” Harm swore. He didn’t do it often, but this situation had him doing it more than he liked. “Jesus, Mac, why didn’t you tell me this? You could be in danger.”

“What were you going to do, Harm, kidnap me and hide me in your mother’s attic?” She tried to minimize the worry with flippancy, but her own fear showed through her words.

His look penetrated to her soul. “The thought hadn’t occurred to me, but I like it.” He tried to return the dark humor, but his eyes were deadly serious.

“Harm,” she warned, then relented. Maybe sometimes being watched out for wasn’t so bad. She had to admit this was just a little scary.

“Ok. Let’s lay this out,” he suggested. “AJ’s arranged a d---uh to escort you to the dinner, he’s thrown us together on a case where we will drive each other nuts, then he maneuvered us into dumping the research files, before he practically calls me out. On top of that he set me up with Kate Pike, managed to give you fuel to dump Webb, and made you angry with me by casually tossing out that remark about me dating Kate. Mac, the man is definitely up to something, and I’m certain now, I know what it is?

She just looked at him afraid to ask, afraid she had figured it out too. And she didn’t like the conclusion one bit.

“He wants you, Mac, and he’s eliminating the competition by fair means or foul. Webb’s gone; I’m next. He figures he’ll have a clear field. The Admiral is retiring in less than a month, and it seems he has decided to take you with him,” he supplied through clenched teeth. The conclusion wasn’t perfect, but it was close enough to the mark to make no difference.

Harms ire was palpable, oddly, Mac’s was more so, and she spoke first. Now that she fully understood what the game was and who was playing, she was opting out.

“Not in this lifetime, flyboy.” She jumped from the couch, “Oh no. I’m not playing this stupid game again. I am not going to be the prize in some testosterone contest.” She pulled away, stood up, and headed around the coffee table, sailing for her bedroom as she spoke. She fully intended to lock the door, and not come out until morning, but Harm caught her as she flew past him, and spun her into his arms.

“No, you aren’t. I agree,” he said firmly, looking straight down into her upturned face.

“What do you mean?” she faltered, never expecting this response from Harm. She was also having a little trouble with her thought paths, crushed against his hard body this way.

“Tell me what you want, Mac, and that’s the way it will happen,” he simplified the complex situation.

Her eyes narrowed, “How can you be so sure?”

“Because I’ll see to it, but only if it’s what you want. Not what I want, or the Admiral wants, or what Clay wants. You decide, and I’ll help you get whatever it is you want.”

“Are you serious?” her voice showed a stunned incredulity. She was perfectly aware that tucked against him this way could interfere with her ability to make an unbiased decision. Then she remembered, an hour ago she’d made her decision. So had he, she’d seen it in his eyes, he just wanted to hear her say it. It was her decision. Everything was up to her.

“Even if…” she started. Still afraid to give voice to the thought, she buried her head against him.

“Even if it’s AJ. Webb’s gone now, I’ll step away,” he offered. “If it’s Webb you want, I’ll find him for you. If…if you want to be alone, they will both have to come through me to bother you again. There will be no game, Mac, you aren’t a prize to be won, you’re a person to be loved. Tell me.”

“That’s not what I was going to say, Harm,” she tilted her head back again, and looked up into his storm tossed sea green eyes. His hand came up and tenderly brushed back her hair.

“What, Mac? What were you going to say?” he nearly whispered, afraid and expectant.

“Even if it’s you, Harm?” she ventured timidly.

“Especially if it’s me,” he barely finished before his lips covered hers. He tried for simple and tender, but the kiss burst into full flame on contact, and threatened to consume them instantly. His chest heaving with emotion, he released the kiss and held her as close as he dared, still allowing her to breathe.

She clung to him, crying softly for their wasted time, for the lost years, for the relief that she finally had what she wanted more than anything. He held her and allowed her the moment she needed, before pulling back slightly, to gaze as though for the first time on the woman now destined become the love of his life.

“Mac, we still have to work this out. What about tomorrow night? How do we handle it?”

“Well,” she suggested, “we could just not go,” hoping they could disappear. She didn’t want to face any more turmoil.

“Not an option, Marine,” he smiled at the thought. “Besides, I’ll be there with you. We really have to finish this permanently.”

“I know, Harm, I just don’t know how.” In the morning, something might occur to her, but for now, the emotions were too raw.

“I think I do,” Harm replied, before pulling her in for another kiss. A plan was already forming in his brain.

In all the remainder of her life, she would never tire of his kisses, but for tonight, she had to stop him. She had to protect him. Just for a little while, this could go no further.

End of eleven

The Rabb Mosaic
Part Twelve

JAG HQ
Friday Morning

Admiral Chegwidden sailed into JAG HQ at full speed, with only the tiniest fragment of patience at his command. He hadn’t slept well the previous night and fantasies about his lovely junior officer had little to do with it.

He’d worked two more hours on the mountain of paperwork necessary for a smooth change of command in three weeks. The more he delved into the stack, the angrier he became. It was painfully obvious that care of his staff wasn’t the only thing that he had neglected last year. There was vital paperwork that had been shoved aside, overlooked, never processed, or even reviewed.

Most of it could be round-filed by now as it had been replaced by subsequent requests or reports, but it was clear evidence of his neglect and he didn’t like facing it. The most startling discovery was two requests for transfer by his chief of staff, Colonel Mackenzie. Mac had wanted to transfer and he had been completely oblivious to the fact.

From the depths of his memory, he dragged a faint recall of her first transfer request. It was dated immediately after Rabb had disappeared into the maw of the CIA’s realm of secrecy. That request hadn’t even stated a specific job or location. She’d just wanted out, she wanted to run and he had been insensitive to her emotional turmoil. He had selfishly disregarded it, wiping it from his consciousness.

The second was much more specific, and somehow he’d overlooked it completely. That one was dated two weeks after Harm had gained guardianship of that mouthy teenager. She was requesting an advisory post to a diplomatic office on Taiwan. As far from ships and planes as the Department of the Navy could send her. The post would be a career killer for someone of her rank, and it was the least likely place on the planet where she would ever again encounter someone she knew. She’d have been stuck there for the remainder of her service.

He wouldn’t have approved her transfer of course, but he should have been aware of how badly she was hurting. As a CO, a friend, and for her excellent service as an officer, he should have been there to help her.

His anger went up another notch, and his remaining smidgeon of patience disappeared, when he remembered hearing how badly Rabb had handled the situation. He’d not been on intimate speaking terms with either of them at the time, but he heard enough scuttlebutt to put the story together. On top of what she was still suffering from that damned Paraguay fiasco, it was a wonder she was functioning. The entire night was spent beating himself up over his recent failures, now he was ready for another target.

As he exited the elevator into the bullpen, he spotted the new subject of his wrath, and steered in the direction of Commander Harmon Rabb, lounging languidly against the door frame of Colonel Mackenzie’s office. He’d put a stop to this once and for all. ‘Soul mates my ass, the man simply didn’t deserve her’ was his driving thought.

“Admiral on deck,” someone shouted.

“As you were,” he growled automatically, coming to a halt far enough from the tall man so he wouldn’t have to look up.

“Don’t you have and office, Commander?” He snarled.

“Yes, sir, I was just conferring with the Colonel. About our case, sir,” Harm added gratuitously, a nervous smile flitting across his features.

“If you need a conference, reserve the appropriate meeting room, don’t lounge around here like you have nothing to do,” he ordered.

“It wasn’t that important, sir, just a question or two,” Harm was immediately struck by the abject unfairness of his CO’s tone, and adopted that hooded look he reserved for questionable treatment by a senior officer.

“Fine,” he stared Harm down. “Then use your email or the telephone. You don’t have to waste time running all the way down here every time you have a question.” He further demeaned Harm with the reminder of his unsatisfactory quarters, and the serious question of his judgment. The bullpen stilled briefly, before the staff quickly resumed their duties. No one wished to be the next object of the Admirals wrath.

“Yes, sir,” Harm replied, again with barely concealed contempt.

Turning to Mac, he deliberately gave the next order so Harm would hear it. “Colonel, you’re with me. We need to discuss your transfer request,” then turning back to Harm he barked, “Dismissed, Commander.”

Harm scurried for the doorway, not an easy maneuver for a man of his height, but not before hearing Mac reply, “No, sir, that is yes, sir, I mean the request is no longer valid, sir,” she rushed the words.

“Colonel,” the Admiral roared, “we will not discuss the future of your military career in the middle of the bullpen. With me, now.” He turned to go then immediately looked back, he had no desire for them to communicate in any way, but the damage was done. She’d managed to fire off a signal, and it was faintly possible Harm had received the implied message.

“I said dismissed, Commander,” he growled ominously. Harm ducked out of sight behind the doorway, a look of abject fear tainting his features.

AJ’s stride made short work of the distance to his office, and obediently Lt. Colonel Sarah Mackenzie was quick on his heels.

It took almost an hour, but he finally allowed her to convince him she no longer had a reason to transfer. That her original reasons for the request no longer applied. Reading between the lines, he assumed it meant that her relationship with Rabb was no longer a factor in her life choices. He finally relented on the point, as he had no intention of granting the request. Assigning her a portion of the backlogged paperwork to sort for him, he demonstrated how necessary her presence was at JAG. That should keep her busy for a while. She’d have precious little time to even consider explaining this situation to Rabb.

Heartily congratulating himself for another victory, he settled into his duties in a lighter frame of mind. That he’d resorted to using his command position for personal reasons, and that he had lost sight of his original objective was currently lost on him. His unfair assessment of Harm’s past behavior was rooted more in uncontrolled emotions and gossip than in coherent fact, another point he conveniently disregarded. Smugly deciding that his was now the winning position, he dismissed the Colonel to her duties and the extra paperwork, and happily returned to contemplating the outcome of this evening.

Later that evening

Though formal dress was required for the party given by his friends, General Federico Alexander Dantelli, and AJ’s former partner Martha Grimes Dantelli, the actual atmosphere of the occasion was more relaxed.

Their official residence was a well-preserved Victorian built more than a hundred years ago for one of America’s early business barons.

The exterior bore all the decorative fussiness of that period, however the home was built on a grander less cramped scale than most of its era. The entire ground floor consisted of comfortable, but formal rooms, including a spacious dining room capable of seating more than tonight’s twenty-two guests. In addition to the JAG staff and themselves, the Dantelli’s had invited a cross section of personal friends who would take interest in the work of JAG, and provide intelligent conversation on a variety of subjects for the officers.

The second floor was private quarters, but the entire third floor was a ballroom, accessed by a spiral staircase located near the back of the foyer. After the exquisite meal they retired to this room, set with scattered tables and chairs for a light dessert buffet, coffee, and open bar. A small group of musicians, played soft selections adequate for moderate dancing, listening, or background. A balcony spanned the back of the house on all three floors. In the warm spring weather it provided fresh air through the sets of double doors, and glimpses of the city lights between the trees.

For more than an hour after dinner, AJ had watched his plan work its magic. Kate Pike showed every attention to his foolish officer, and Harm gave equal indication he welcomed and enjoyed her companionship. Their actions did not go unnoticed by Sarah Mackenzie, she had become more withdrawn and quiet since they entered the room.

Reluctantly but graciously, he permitted Harm a dance with Mac soon after they arrived upstairs, but their aloof demeanor with one another gave ease to his fears. He noticed little conversation between them, and one look at their faces showed no sign of intimacy. It was a look they had practiced and perfected over the years. With perfect manners, Harm had returned Mac to her escort immediately after the dance ended.

AJ’s fears relaxed to the point that when Harm asked again, some forty-five minutes later, he barely gave it a thought. Nothing would change the outcome of the evening now. Dancing with Kate Pike he found himself distracted enough to forget their existence for the remainder of the song.

A few minutes before midnight the Admiral glanced over Mac’s shoulder, noticing as the small band prepared to play its final number.

“Looks like the party’s finally over, Colonel.” Although he addressed her formally, his tone and the look in his eyes was pure predator.

“Yes, sir, it does,” she answered with a tiny shiver.

“I was wondering,” he continued, “Martha and Alex have extended an invitation to her family farm in Virginia for the weekend.”

She raised her doe like eyes, but didn’t reply.

“They have horses, Mac, do you like horses?”

“Yes, sir, I do,” she was still answering in non-committal monosyllables. Taking her coffee cup, he turned to set it on the side table next to his drink glass.

“Suppose we enjoy this last dance and discuss horses, Mac,” he said as he turned back, his voice low and filled with desire.

From the edge of his eye, he caught the flash of a white gloved hand presented palm up.

“Sarah?” The soft, throaty, whisper of Commander Harmon Rabb’s voice moved between them with the presence of an aircraft carrier.

Her eyes rose to meet Harm’s smoky sea green gaze, and locked in place. Without looking back, she placed her small hand across the white glove, and replied. “I’m sorry Admiral, I’ve already made plans for the weekend.”

Gracefully the couple moved away, their bodies synchronized to a rhythm all their own. They completely missed the cloud darkening the countenance of Admiral AJ Chegwidden.

“That didn’t go exactly as planned, did it, sir?” the soft sensuous voice of Kate Pike filled his ears.

He held his eyes on the fairy tale couple for several more beats. Gradually, realization dawned that the protective layers covering Harmon Rabb’s inner person had fallen away the moment he took Sarah Mackenzie in his arms and claimed her for his own. Every defense mechanism the officer had carefully built over the years crumbled before the look of pure love in the golden brown eyes of the woman he embraced. She would never again be shut out. Rabb wouldn’t lose her this time.

“I’m not so sure, Kate,” he replied with a deep sigh, a mischievous light dawning deep in his eyes chased the storm cloud from his features.

“It may have happened exactly as it should.” Shaking his head ruefully, he looked up, the beginning of a full-blown smile threatening to engulf him.

“They outmaneuvered me, Kate. They turned it around on me, and I never saw it coming,” he admitted.

She glanced wistfully at the tall commander dancing closely with the woman of his dreams. “He’s very good at that, sir.”

“That he is, but together they’re unbeatable. Do you think he can get her home safely?” he asked rhetorically, with a trace of humor

An impish smile lit her face, “He’s a Top Gun Pilot, sir. He has a reputation for finding his target.”

AJ nodded, a point he had overlooked in his planning, “Yeah, eventually,” he smirked. “Suppose we go find a cup of coffee somewhere, and talk about horses?” he suggested, offering his arm.

“It sounds delightful,” she replied moving closer. “I love horses.”

End of twelve

The Rabb Mosaic
Chapter Thirteen

The dance slowly ended and he leaned close to whisper in her ear. “Well, Marine, it looks like I’m your ride home.” He nodded towards the doorway, and the retreating figures of AJ Chegwidden and Kate Pike.

She sighed heavily, and leaned her forehead briefly against his chest, her relief drawn protectively around her shoulders.

“I take it you’re ready to go,” he asked rhetorically.

“Oh yeah,” she breathed.

Stopping to thank their hosts, they made appropriate compliments on the evening. Both officers realized that for this unusual situation strict protocol would rule the moment. No mention was made, or apparent notice taken, of the unexpected reorganization of companions.

Very few people in the room were aware of the change. It was a low-key maneuver, eminently worthy of military personnel with stealth training. The exercise had taken mere minutes, it was lightening fast and localized. From near the balcony doors Sturgis merely raised his eyebrows a fraction. Bud and Harriet exchanged stunned looks beside the dessert table. None of them were certain how, or what, had occurred; nevertheless they were thrilled with the outcome. Alex and Martha accepted that they would find out what happened this weekend, or not.

“Harm, could we go sit by the river for a few minutes,” she asked as they descended the stairs and crossed the wide porch. Her voice was a pale imitation of normal. Unwilling to end the evening with him, she nevertheless knew her apartment would be awkward. He offered his arm as a gesture of courtesy, but it became obvious her fatigue made it a stabilizing necessity. Her energy level had dropped drastically.

“If you like. For just a little while,” he agreed, protectiveness settling on his broad shoulders.

A look of surprise passed lightly over her features, as he led her to the Lexus and tucked her in the passenger side. “I would have expected you to bring the Corvette for a hot date,” she teased.

He smiled at her and walked to the driver’s side, climbing in before he answered, “Maybe I would have for a hot date.” Her face fell a little, but he continued, “This time I counted on escorting the woman I love home, and I was fairly certain she would be exhausted. This is more comfortable.” She rewarded him with a dazzling smile for his thoughtfulness, and the anticipation of further exploring his ‘woman I love’ comment.

“Thanks,” she offered in a quiet voice.

They rode in silence for a few miles, to the river overlook not far from her apartment. He had no intention of allowing her to stay up very long. Killing the engine, he scooted sideways to look at her. “Do you want to stay here, or get out and walk?”

“Let’s just sit here, can we?” she leaned heavily into the deep leather seat.

“Pretty tough day, huh?” he asked unnecessarily, allowing his fingertips to draw lazy patterns on her shoulder tip.

“Tough week, but today was the worst,” she acknowledged. “I wish there had been another way.”

“I know, but I was there with you. I wouldn’t have left you alone to handle it. Until he made a move there was little you could do.” He spoke softly, soothingly. “You had to show him your clear choice. I couldn’t do that for you.”

“I know. It’s just….I feel like…I don’t know…on top of everything…it feels like I used you. I should have been able to handle it on my own.” She wasn’t entirely certain that made sense when translated from emotion to words.

“He was a powerful adversary, Mac, and you haven’t regained all your strength. Did you? Use me, I mean? Was that all it was?” He asked uncertain of her answer. “Because if you don’t want…”

Her hand came up to her shoulder and firmly held his in place, just at the instant she felt him pull back.

“No, Harm, I didn’t use you, not that way. I made my choice and I meant it, every word. It was the truth last night, and it was the truth tonight.” She looked at him with very sad, very tired eyes.

“Okay, Marine, I think I understand.” He hesitated briefly then added, “We have a lot of new emotions to explore. It will take time. Now let’s take you home and tuck you into bed.” He moved to start the car.

“That’s another problem, Harm,” she looked at her hands, which had fallen to her lap.

“What problem?” When she didn’t answer, “What problem, Sarah?” He was worried by her tone.

“We can’t….I mean, I can’t….I can’t endanger you.” She stumbled.

“What are you talking about? What danger? The Agency? Clay? What?” he turned to her again, sorting through his mental files, trying to find the thread in what she was saying.

“All of it, sort of, indirectly, and something else, too.” She was trying desperately not to tell him what she had to tell him.

“Mac,” he picked up her small trembling hands, and held them gently between his large firm ones. “Please, dumb sailor here. Small words and simple phrases required.”

She sighed heavily. “I can’t, that is we can’t…at least not right now anyway, I mean I want to but…” she stammered again

“Oh, good God, Mac,” he finally realized what she was saying. “Of course not, we just…I mean last night was the first time we’ve been entirely honest with each other about how we feel. It’s too soon to take that step. You don’t think that’s all I want, do you?” he responded, aghast.

“No, Harm,” she soothed him. “No, of course not, but I thought maybe you thought…that is…well, we’ve been trying to get to this place with each other for so long, and now….. Oh, Harm, I’m so sorry,” she started crying, softly but earnestly. These were not tired tears, or emotional tears; they were truly sad tears.

“Sarah? Mac, what’s wrong? You have me worried now. Seriously worried. C’mon, explain please.” He tried to get through to her.

“Harm, remember the doctors appointment you made for me?” His face changed immediately as a chill ran over him. “What did they say?” he demanded in a harsh, quite voice.

“They aren’t sure, some kind of injury. I have to go back for more tests.” She explained.

“Can they fix it?” his concern for her was a living thing.

She shrugged, “I guess, they seem to think so, once they find out in detail what they’re dealing with. It’s more a matter of how long it will take, and well, they just won’t know until after the tests. They’ve…uh, restricted my activities until….”

“That makes sense,” he agreed. “So have the tests, and we’ll take it from there,” he subtracted the emotions from the issue, and adopted a strong male let’s get on with it attitude. He didn’t want to think of her permanently hurt in any way. “We’ll take care of whatever it is together, just like we always have in the end.”

“That’s not all of it, Harm.” This was the hardest part, “I…uh, I have to have some other tests, too,” she just couldn’t find the words.

“What other tests? What else? Tell me all of it,” he demanded urgently. “I need to know all of it. Now.” He squeezed the hands lying limply in his, shaking them gently to emphasize his concern.

Taking a deep breathe she started, “Harm I learned this week I couldn’t entirely trust Clay.”

His nod was encouraging, but wary, “Go on.”

“Well, I’m not sure now how much I couldn’t trust him. I didn’t know where he had to go on his missions, or what he had to do. This time he was gone almost two months. Harm I can’t be sure…,” she left him to fill in the blanks.

“He didn’t protect you, Sarah?” Harm was shocked at the lack of care this fact exhibited. “Didn’t you insist? Never mind, forget that.” He quickly reconsidered the question; he wouldn’t make this her fault. It wasn’t her fault.

She looked out the window, her stiff posture showing the cost of this admission, “He didn’t always….he wouldn’t … sometimes when he was drinking….he just wouldn’t,” she cried. “I’m so sorry, Harm,” she was sobbing now. “I just didn’t think it would ever matter, I never expected this, I mean us. I’d really lost hope of another chance,” she couldn’t say any more.

In a flash of motion, she pulled from his grasp, opened the car door, and moved to the stone wall overlooking the river. He felt her flight almost as quickly as she accomplished it. Jumping from the car, he rapidly followed, reaching her as she stopped. Stepping up behind her, he wrapped her with his arms, shushing her, holding her tightly against his chest. “Please don’t cry, Sarah, how could you know? Believe me sweetheart, I had my doubts we’d ever get here either. Please, it will be okay. I’ll be here with you always,” he whispered words of comfort in her ear. It was all he had to give her.

“Harm what if it’s not okay? I mean what if….?” She couldn’t even voice the thought.

“It has to be, Sarah,” he squeezed her lightly, “but if not, I’ll still be with you to help you, I promise. I can’t promise I won’t hunt Clayton Webb down and kill him with my bare hands though,” he declared grimly into her hair.

“No, Harm,” she turned in his arms, hugging him tightly, “Please, promise me you won’t do anything to endanger yourself. Please,” she begged.

“Okay, for now I promise,” he looked down into her tear stained face. “If you promise you’ll do everything you can to get better and be okay,” he bargained.

The words were foolish given all the possible vagaries of fate, but it was a comfort in the immediate moment to both of them. He wanted her, more than he ever realized he could want a woman but mostly he wanted never to lose her.

She could hardly believe after endangering his life and career that he could still love her, and would stay with her, but she wanted him more than she wanted to breathe, so she would make herself believe his promises.

“Now back to my original plan. Let’s take you home and tuck you into bed,” he said decisively, with a warm glint of love in his eyes.

She nodded her agreement. It took another moment before she released her hold on him, allowing him to walk her back to the car.

He honestly had expected to approach their relationship slowly, but he had expected it to be their choice. The pace should have been determined by their growing love and comfort level, not constrained by more potholes and barriers. Would they ever catch a break?

The drive to her apartment was too brief. He extended his hand to assist her from the car, then tucked it into the crook of his elbow as he walked her to her door. Taking her key, he unlocked it and followed her inside where he gathered her into his arms once again. Holding her close, he gently tipped her head back, and brushed the hair from her face. The extreme gentleness of his large hands was never more apparent than when he caressed her face.

He studied her deeply. “You know Marine, you’re the strongest person I know, and when you stop to think what we’ve gone through to get here, you’re the luckiest, we’re the luckiest. It won’t fail us now.” He kissed her deeply, “Just stay with me, and I’ll stay with you, deal?”

“Always,” she answered

“Honest?” he asked for assurance.

“I promise. I want this Harm. I want us. Whatever happens, help me fight it, please.”

“I’ll be with you forever, Sarah,” he promised. “Will you be okay tonight? I could stay on the couch.”

“I’ll be fine, Harm. I’ll lock the door and no doubt crash for about eight hours,” she smiled. “Call me tomorrow?”

“I would, except for one thing,” he replied.

“What’s that?” she asked.

“I want you to get enough sleep. You call me when you wake up. I’ll come get you and feed you,” he promised, a smile playing about his lips.

“Bribery will get you anything,” she accepted.

“Good. See you in the morning,” he slipped through the door.

Tonight, he thought, as he walked to his car, was the first time he ever made a promise he couldn’t keep. But by all that was holy, if anything happened to her, he would hunt Clayton Webb to the ends of the earth, and with determined premeditation, kill the man with his bare hands.

The merest suggestion of the possibility of losing her, made him stop in his tracks. If there was the remotest chance their time was limited, what were they doing wasting even a minute. They could at least be together until she was healthy again. He couldn’t do everything for her, he had to rely on the doctors to take care of her now, but there was one thing he could do. And it was infinitely more positive than contemplating murder.

Whipping out his cell phone, he made a call and voiced a special request.

“You have to be kidding, Harm,” Bobbi Latham’s voice sounded more angry than sleepy. She was one of DC’s movers and shakers; she wouldn’t be in bed this early on a Friday.

“I’m deadly serious, Bobbi. Will you do it?” His voice telegraphed urgency.

“How the hell am I supposed to arrange something like that?” she asked in exasperation.

“C’mon, Bobbi, this is me. I happen to know you have strings you will never have time to pull.” Harm wheedled.

“Fine,” she let out a dramatic sigh, then acquiesced. “Give me a little time to make arrangements.”

“Don’t have much time, Bobbi. Tonight, tomorrow, Sunday at the very latest,” he insisted. Somehow, settling this seemed urgent.

She sighed in frustration, knowing this man was calling in every marker he ever made for this favor, and he deserved it. “Give me a few minutes. I’ll call you back,” she agreed.

Exactly three minutes later his phone rang.

“0920 Rabb,” was her curt instruction, “West gate, and don’t be even a minute late, they open at 1000.”

“Thanks, Bobbi, I owe you.” Harmon Rabb, Top Gun aviator, and world-class lawyer, literally bubbled with glee.

“You bet your sweet ass you do, Rabb,” she said before the line went dead. She’d collect the debt too, only not like the last time he asked for a favor. This time his payment would be more politically correct, but she’d find a way to use him.

Turning on his heel, he marched straight back up the stairs to Sarah Mackenzie’s apartment.

“Mac, it’s me, open up,” he knocked softly. “Mac,” he sincerely hoped she wasn’t asleep already. A moment later, she came to the door, her dress clasped to her chest, the zipper in the back halfway down.

“Harm?” she asked in bewilderment. He moved her gently aside, as he stepped into the room.

“Pack a bag, Marine, we have an appointment in the morning, and bring something special to wear,” he was beaming a smile that said he knew what was in all the Christmas presents.

“What? Harm? What are you talking about, and why do I need a bag?” she was too tired to argue, it was merely sleepy curiosity.

“Because I’m not spending another minute of my life apart from you, that’s why. At least not if I can help it,” he explained. “You said you wanted forever, were you serious?”

“Of course, Harm. Yes. But …” confusion was her main emotion of the moment.

“No buts, forever starts now. Go pack a bag, bring whatever you need for the weekend and a special occasion. You’re coming home with me. We have an early appointment. Go on. Shoo,” he turned her gently by the shoulders, and gave her a little pat on the bottom to hurry her along.

She looked over her shoulder, half stunned and half amused, uncertain whether to kiss him or kick his butt, however, she complied and moved towards the bedroom. Pausing in the doorway she turned, “What sort of occasion, Harm? What are you wearing?”

“My dress whites,” he smiled broadly, giving nothing up.

Still puzzled, she nodded her head and turned to the bedroom, with the warm feeling of being truly wanted for herself growing somewhere deep inside.

They would have their dreams, even if they had to have them a little at a time. First things first, though. He couldn’t wait to hold her all night just to make sure she had a good night’s sleep, what there was left of it anyway. She could always nap tomorrow or get to bed early.

Saturday

At exactly 0900 the tall handsome Navy Commander, resplendent in his dress whites with polished wings, and the beautiful Marine Lt. Colonel, stunning in her dress blues, exited his apartment and climbed into his car. He gave her a dazzling smile as he slipped the car into gear. She returned it, still puzzled about their destination. She would trust him with her life; certainly she could trust him with a surprise.

She was more astonished than surprised, when they pulled up outside the west gate to the White House grounds and were directed to park their car. The official who greeted them, accompanied by a secret service agent, showed them along the path to the rose garden, then turned to allow them some privacy.

Standing just out of earshot, and turned slightly away, they strained to see from their peripheral vision when the naval officer sat the marine on a marble bench and knelt before her. Her answer was obvious when she threw her arms around his neck and kissed him thoroughly.

Then, without noticing either the face in the third story window, or the official photographer who had snapped a handful of candid shots, they made their way solemnly back along the path, the very picture of perfect military presentation.

Thanking the official, and appropriately overlooking the presence of the secret service agent, they returned to their car.

As the Commander opened the door for the Colonel, she paused. Expecting an embarrassing endearment, their escorts looked at each other in surprise when they heard her clear voice, “Didn’t you say something about breakfast, Harm? Hungry Marine here.”

He smiled his special ‘Mac’ smile and answered, “Hungry Marine food, coming right up.”

Looking up at the fluffy white clouds, a huge grin spread over his face. It really was going to be a beautiful day.

End of thirteen

The Rabb Mosaic
Part Fourteen

Almost two month’s later
Harmon Rabb’s Apartment
North of Union Station

Harm opened the door wide for his guests, comfortable in his cargo shorts and t-shirt.

“Hi Catherine,” he greeted her, over the wail of the four month old baby struggling in its carrier. “You’re early. Mac won’t be here for an hour. Here, let me help you with that,” he offered, reaching for the baby. It was obviously the heavier of her two burdens.

“Thanks,” she smiled gratefully. She definitely had a weak spot for the tall Commander. Even in his casual clothes, his entire being screamed his military affiliation. She told him once she couldn’t accept him until he figured out what he wanted from life. Unfortunately, when he figured it out, it wasn’t her. She would however, be eternally grateful to whomever had arranged his removal from the agency. It was just too convenient that the news crew happened to be on the carrier unshepherded. Just too perfect, that no recognizable photo was taken of Beth, only of Harm.

In her mind it was inarguable who had arranged it, but even then the snake had undermined Harm with Mac after saving him for her. There was a strange dynamic between these people, and involved as she was, she vowed to let it go no deeper.

Making her way to the big leather couch, she sank down and rummaged in her baby bag. “Sorry,” she tried to explain over the baby’s lusty cries, “if I don’t feed him we won’t be able to talk.”

Harm smiled tolerantly, “Anything I can do?”

“Well, his bottle needs warming. I mix the formula myself so I keep it cold,” she explained

“I can handle that,” he boasted confidently

She looked curiously amused. “Babysitting my godson,” he explained with a shrug. “Lots of practice.”

“Commander, you are a wellspring of surprises.” Her smile twisted at one corner.

“You don’t know the half of it,” he raised a cocky eyebrow.

“Oh, I think I know at least half,” she returned her eyes to the hungry baby, as he grabbed at the spoon she offered.

Harm was left standing with a strange distant smile on his face.

“Hurry up Harm,” she ordered without looking up, knowing she’d hit her mark, “he’s going to want his bottle soon.”

“Yes, Ma’am,” he snapped to and hurried into the kitchen.

Several minutes later, and not a moment too soon, he returned with a perfectly warmed bottle.

“Here, Harm,” she stood and handed him the child. “Why don’t you feed him since you’re such and expert. I’ll just go I clean these dishes?”

She returned soon, settling herself across from him. They discussed the details of exactly how they would tell Mac, and in what detail. He hoped it wouldn’t prove too devastating for her. She was just making progress with her therapy, and a severely negative experience at this moment could create stress that would impede her progress.

A few minutes later, they had worked out a plan. They would tell her everything eventually, but in a certain order, giving her time to absorb each part before the next. In this way they hoped to minimize the effect, and perhaps save some of it for another time if she appeared too upset. Mac was certainly no hothouse flower, but even the strongest person can only take so much, and Mac had more than her share in the last year.

Laying the empty bottle aside as they made small talk, Harm rose to gently burp the baby, as Harriet had taught him years before. But apparently the sudden upward movement upset the baby’s stomach and he managed to spray Harm’s back and the leather couch cushions with a portion of his dinner.

Dismayed, Catherine jumped quickly to reclaim her son

“I’m so sorry, Harm,” she started, uncertain how he would take being bathed by a burping baby.

Harm chuckled, as he handed the baby back and stripped off his t-shirt. He used it to wipe the couch with the remaining clean side. “At least it wasn’t my dress whites,” he remarked.

“Dress whites?” She queried, uncomfortably keeping her eyes averted from his bare chest.

“Little AJ, formal portrait,” he explained succinctly.

“Oh,” she mouthed silently. Losing the battle with her eyes, she flushed slightly at his casual state of undress.

“He’s a bit of a messy eater,” she explained nervously, holding out the front of her shirt as well. “You don’t want to feed him in anything you wouldn’t wash the car in,” she smiled at the shared joke.

“I’ll remember that,” Harm replied, as though the information would be of future importance. “I need a new shirt and so do you.”

“Uh…can I use your bed to change him?”

“He won’t make a mess on that, too, will he?” Harm feigned a scowl.

“No,” Catherine insisted, “but it’s bigger than the couch, and he’s less likely to wiggle off.”

A nervous smile crossed his face at her familiarity with the size of his bed. He slipped into the bathroom to rinse out his shirt and hang it on the showerhead. Stepping back into the room, he leaned on the glass wall, arms crossed, and watched as she cooed lovingly to the infant she was changing.

It was the first look he’d had at the true proportions of the baby, and he was instantly struck by the long legs and lean frame. The cap of unruly dark hair and crystal blue-green eyes were not lost on him either.

“He’s kinda skinny,” he joked uncomfortably, “don’t you feed him enough?” He sounded fussy even to himself.

She gave him an indignant look. “He eats twenty-five percent more than the doctor recommended, and still doesn’t gain an ounce more than he’s willing to. But then, his dad has a great metabolism,” she looked back at her son hiding her eyes.

“Can I let him nap here for a while?” she asked into the air. “He seems comfortable, and that’s unusual for him.”

“Sure he won’t make a mess?” Harm inquired sardonically.

She looked up and grinned, “I thought you wanted to be a father.”

“Am I already?” he nodded seriously towards the sleepy infant. “Is he mine?”

“No,” she answered quickly, but avoided eye contact. “I told you that once.”

“I know you did, but I checked his birth certificate. Steven Harmon Gale?” He raised a questioning brow.

You had no right to do that,” her answer was low, then she shrugged. “You helped my mother live to see her first grandchild. I was grateful,” she explained.

“That’s a big payback,” he looks skeptical

“It meant a lot to me, it was very important to her,” she was giving nothing up.

He allowed that for the moment. “Have you told the father?” he pressed another point.

“No. He has no need to know.” Her voice sounded hollow.

“Why? It isn’t fair, Cat,” he used a more familiar version of her name. He’d only used it once before.

“Because, I uh…it wouldn’t work. He can bring us nothing I can’t provide. We’d only afford him another burden, another responsibility.” Her voice was shaky, but the tone was firm.

“I disagree, he has a right to know, he may not consider it a burden,” Harm argued softly.

“Not now perhaps, but in time there would be…uh…conflicts.”

“Are you so very sure, Cat?” Again the shortening of her name.

“I’m sure,” she said with finality, looking him straight in the eyes.

“Children need fathers, too,” Harm tried one more time. “Something could be arranged.”

“Maybe, but its better this way, less complicated. I could ask you a favor though, he could still have a positive influence in his life,” her eyes slid to the sleeping baby.

“How’s that?” Harm was curious.

“Be his godfather,” she looked pleadingly at him.

Harm stared for a minute, his arms still crossed over his bare chest. It suddenly hit him, it was all he would get, but it was something, quite a lot in fact, if he chose to make it so. And perhaps in time…. He straitened, “I’d be honored,” he accepted.

Tucking the baby between two pillows to keep him from rolling off the bed, she straightened and stood.

Harm remembered her stained shirt and walked around her to his t-shirt drawer. Pulling out the top two shirts, he tossed one to her, indicating the bathroom with his hand.

“Change in there,” he said before turning to walk down the stairs and cross the living room. He was halfway through pulling on his shirt when the door opened and Mac walked in.

“Hi Sailor,” she greeted at the same time that Catherine emerged from the bedroom in a shirt Mac had slept in last week.

“Stevie’s sleeping soundly. He ought to be fine for an hour or so,” she stopped in her tracks in time to hear Harm’s self-conscious response.

“Mac you’re early,” he blurted stupidly.

“Apparently,” was her brittle response. Quickly taking in the scene, the shirts, and Harm half dressed, she drew her own erroneous conclusions. Her eyes instantly filled to the brims. Turning on her heel, she spun, ran through the door, and down the stairs.

“Go,” Catherine commanded the mortified Harm, as her realization grew of what Mac had seen, and the conclusions she had drawn.

“Harm,” she pushed him firmly towards the door. “Go now,” Catherine demanded, “go get her.”

End of fourteen

The Rabb Mosaic
Part Fifteen

Instantly he sprang to action, dashing from the apartment. He took the stairs two at a time, burst through the outer door, and launched himself in front of the silver SUV, just as she hit the accelerator. Jumping back to avoid a broken leg, he scrambled to maintain his position in front of the car as she hit the brakes.

“Mac, stop,” he cried.

She gave him a hard look and glanced down at the gearshift. Calculating her plan a split second before she fully formed it, he threw himself over the hood and reached through the window to grab and pocket her keys.

“Give me the keys,” she half sobbed through gritted teeth.

“No,” he said with quiet firmness, reaching in to unbuckle her seat belt. He opened the car door and carefully lifted her from the seat encircling her with his strong arms. The open window made him wonder briefly if she really was so intent on running. He dismissed dwelling on it. He had stopped her, anything else at this point would confuse the issue.

She protested and tried twisting away. “Let me go, Harm.”

“No! Not this time Marine, you aren’t running ever again,” he declared holding her protectively. “Mac, if you want to leave me I can’t stop you, but you aren’t going to run away.” There was a significant difference and they both knew it.

She continued to struggle against him, her breath heaving in her body more from the emotional response than physical exertion.

In an attempt to prevent her from re-injuring herself, he pinned her neatly against the car. From this position he could hold her until she listened and protect her back with his large body, she was effectively immobilized. He silently blessed whatever deity made him insist she use the big car during her recovery, this maneuver would not have been possible against the corvette.

Part of his mind flooded with thoughts of another way he wished to feel her body moving beneath his. Thoughts that existed never far beneath the surface of his self-control. Those ideas and her movements caused an unexpected response, but he ignored it, choosing instead to keep his arms firmly around her. Grasping her wrists he brought their hands together to form a pillow for her face against the hard car roof. He lowered his head so his lips rested at her ear, and murmured soothing sounds.

Even in her apparent struggle for freedom, her response to his hard body was confirmed by a small whimper slipping from her lips. Involuntarily, she trembled and pressed back against him. Her instinctive reaction was the complete antithesis of her intent. He only held her tighter. The combustibility of their sexual tension had grown steadily week-by-week and occasional brief episodes of emotional propinquity wrought havoc with their self-control.

The complex, fascinating woman that held the mind of Sarah Mackenzie, was both excruciatingly desirable and utterly infuriating. Strong as tempered steel she was fragile as crystal, a deep confusing puzzle of conflicting emotions and responses. He looked forward eagerly to an intimate examination of all the pieces.

For now, the immediate requirement was to keep her with him, keep her from leaving until he could explain, until he could sort out the effect of this latest assault on her reactions. He just had to hold her carefully so he wouldn’t hurt her. He would not allow her to go, not without listening to him.

“Let me go or I’ll scream bloody murder,” she threatened him tightly, though her ire was obviously waning.

“No, you won’t,” he insisted.

“I won’t,” she responded in a low flat voice, stunned by his presumption. “

No, because I’m not hurting you, and you need to listen to me,” he replied. She remained silent, struggling but with less enthusiasm than before. “Because I want you to listen to me, please” he added quietly but insistently.

“Harm…” she cast about for words, but her movement stilled.

“I know, Mac,” he agreed. “I know what you think you saw, and you couldn’t be more wrong.” She remained silent, but her resistance stopped completely. “Mac, in May it was Kate, it was understandable then, but what we’ve had since then, what we’ve started….” he shook his head exasperated, and turned her in his arms without releasing his firm hold, “now its Catherine.”

Looking deep into her eyes until she dropped her gaze, he asked, “Mac, have you ever known me to cheat on anyone?”

She shook her head silently, flooded with the insight that she had to start believing the words she waited so long to hear. Words she had insisted on having.

“Then why would I want to start now? I really love you, you know. We’re finally together, Sarah. You aren’t like the others, I’m not like the others. Are you ever going to trust me?” He finished plaintively, falling silent in frustration.

“I’m sorry Harm,” she offered in a small voice. “You deserve better, I don’t know, I just…” she couldn’t find the words to explain her actions. “I feel damaged Harm, not good enough,” she shrugged.

“Aw, Mac. That’s not true, sweetheart. I know you don’t always feel perfect, this has been a strain on you. You’ve always been so tough, it can’t be easy for you to function without your full strength. Please give it a little more time; your therapy is going so well, even the doctor said so. You’ll be okay soon,” he comforted her with the only words he had.

“She has a baby, Harm,” her eyes met his, and she saw the silent cloud in their depths.

“Yes, she does, is that what’s bothering you?” he asked, knowing where this was going.

“Is…is it yours?” she didn’t want to know, but she was compelled to ask.

He hesitated for the briefest moment.

“It is, isn’t it?” Rather than fight, her body seemed to soften in defeat, her gaze wandered aimlessly.

“She says no,” was the only answer he could give.

“But it could be?” she pursued it painfully, looking up at him.

“I don’t know, maybe. Mac…honestly…?” she nodded reluctantly, and he took a deep breath, deciding on the unvarnished truth. “There’s one chance, but only one. I’ve asked her twice and she said no.”

Mac nodded silently, digesting the meaning in his words. “But there is a chance,” she continued doggedly.

“Mac, Sarah…” he replied, before explaining in the only way possible, “Have you ever been so stressed that any comfort was welcome, even necessary?”

The question was redundant, but too important for a reactionary response. Had he somehow guessed about Webb? She looked for any sign of malice in his eyes, any blame. Finding none, she allowed a single nod to stand as her answer.

“After I was forced to resign, I came home to pack. The information Kershaw gave me was incomplete, and I tried to call him back. He wouldn’t take my calls. I didn’t have enough to find you, but I had to go anyway. You understand now why I had to try, don’t you?” he asked for her reassurance.

She remembered, in Paraguay, hoping that he came for that reason, but she was never able to find it in his words. Now, after many late night conversations, she understood. She whispered a small, “Yes.”

“Catherine came here that night,” he continued. “She had names and places, a satellite photo and a small map. It wasn’t much, but she could have been fired or imprisoned for helping me. Mac, I have no idea why she helped me, she said it was for her mother….I don’t know, perhaps it was.”

“I was so very desperate for any scrap of information, frantic and depressed at the same time. I’d left my career on a doomed mission, been given useless information. What she gave me was my only hope. I had to come after you, and I knew there was only the remotest chance of finding you, but I had to try.”

“I’m not sure how it happened….we didn’t plan it. Neither one of us started it, but neither of us stopped it. It wasn’t a dirty, ugly thing, but it wasn’t pretty, either, it was simply a need. There was so much raw emotion. It gave us both strength, for me it was finding you, for her it was facing her mother’s death. I know that doesn’t make sense, I never saw her again until the night you came here about Carolyn. It was only that once. I’m sorry,” he apologized unnecessarily.

“Don’t be,” she said with quiet sincerity, “I understand,” she raised her eyes to prove she meant it. “I’ve done worse,” she scoffed, remembering her emotional experience after killing Sadiq. The difference was she tried to justify it by pretending it was love.

Slowly he released his tight grip on her but still held her firmly. She voluntarily remained in the circle of his arms. “It’s over now, Mac. All of it,” he declared firmly. “Can we let it go?”

“Yes it is, and we can,” she agreed. Mentally and physically she gave herself a small shake, “Why is she here?”

“She has something for you.”

“For me? What?” she puzzled.

“Something you need to know. I’ll let her tell it, okay?”

She searched his face for a long moment before agreeing, “Okay.”

He turned with her still encircled by his strong arm and they walked inside, back up to his apartment.

End of fifteen

The Rabb Mosaic
Part Sixteen

A very tense Catherine Gale paced the polished hardwood of his apartment. Surrounded by her thoughts, she was startled unnecessarily by their return.

She looked hard at Harm for any indication of a resolution, and with his reassuring nod, she addressed Mac

“I’m so sorry, Mac I didn’t mean to…”

“It’s alright, Catherine,” Mac interrupted. “I’m sorry. I guess I’m a little emotional right now. My inner Marine isn’t quite in top form,” she tried to make light of the situation.

Catherine smiled and gratefully accepted the offered friendship. “Did Harm tell you what happened?” she hesitantly asked the unintentionally broad based question.

“Yes,” Mac replied significantly, “he told me. He also said you had something for me.”

Harm witnessed this uneasy truce, and realized it could balance in either direction. A little help was in order.

“Why don’t we sit down, then Catherine can tell us her news. Would anyone like something to drink?” He asked neutrally, misdirecting the remaining tension.

Dehydrated from a combination of tears and stress, they both replied, “Water,” at the same time.

“Water it is.” Harm applied a liberal layer of charm, quickly returned with three bottles of spring water, and sat down near Mac.

Settling uneasily, Mac turned her attention on Catherine, curiosity overwhelming the strain of her recently acquired knowledge.

“Mac,” Catherine started. “I’m not sure where to start. Harm contacted me recently, after Clayton’s death. He said the Admiral couldn’t find out enough to make you comfortable with all the circumstances.”

Mac half turned to Harm, tucked against the cushions behind her. His touch on her waist reassured her. She returned her attention to Catherine, somewhat awed that he cared so much he would do this for her peace of mind.

“You may or may not have discovered that Porter Webb pulled some strings. She had the agency admit him to an exclusive medical facility in Connecticut for his drinking. It was becoming dangerous to him and to his missions. To anyone who worked with him really,” she added unnecessarily. Surely, that was no surprise to the two officers who faced her.

They both nodded, acknowledging the previously unverified information.

“What you don’t know, is that he walked out the back door as quickly as he went in the front, and disappeared leaving another man in his place using his name.”

Mac stiffened. “Why?” she asked, fearing she knew the answer.

Catherine saw the light of recognition in her eyes and hastened to affirm her guess.

“He turned rogue, set up his own mission. His need to break up Sadiq’s cell, and destroy their ability to function consumed him. He needed to succeed or die trying. He did both,” she concluded.

A deep shuddering breath and the momentary closing of her eyes was the only emotion Mac showed. “He was uncomfortable with the fact that Kershaw kept him away from helping me with Sadiq. He told me never to accept another mission. I didn’t understand.” She looked to Catherine for an answer.

“Mac, Kershaw’s apparent animosity towards you was only a small part of it. Webb has been a thorn in his side for years. He couldn’t handle the fact that Webb’s missions would repeatedly fall apart, then suddenly succeed using unorthodox and unacceptable methods.”

“Like using us to pull his ass out of the fire,” Harm noted somewhat bitterly. It was Mac’s turn to reach for his hand. She’d accepted Webb’s duplicity as fact, it was water under the bridge. They needed to let it go.

“Something like that,” Catherine smiled gently. “He also hated the influence peddling. Porter Webb exercised both in her sons favor, and in the agency in general. No one is quite sure what she has, and on who, but she’s a powerful woman make no mistake. When you convinced Webb to give up the Angel Shark information Kershaw blew his last fuse. He finally was able to directly deal with Webb in a way even Porter couldn’t override, but he needed to get to you too, Harm. He felt you engineered the discrediting of the agency. You breached the sacred wall of secrecy.”

Harm frowned, “The only people who saw those tapes were the relatives, and that included some very powerful people as well. People in a position to appreciate that the agency allowed them the closure. It could have only helped him to own that,” Harm protested.

“You and I know that Harm, but Kershaw was old school. He didn’t think that way. I think there might have been rivalry with Webb’s father long ago that drove him as well. He held grudges forever. He wasn’t a good man to cross. He engineered that fiasco in South America knowing Webb would blow it again, that Mac would be caught in the crossfire, and if you didn’t take the bait, he had a trail of breadcrumbs ready to tempt you into running off after her. He truly believed there was no way any of you would survive.”

“We wouldn’t have without your information,” Harm acknowledged.

“Yes, well the less said about that the better. As of yesterday, Kershaw was still trying to figure that one out,” she replied.

“Yesterday, what happened yesterday?” Mac asked first.

“Kershaw has been removed from duty, and is being held awaiting investigation. He may never see the natural light of day again,” Catherine’s only real concern was that he would. Eventually, he was bound to figure out her role in all this.

“What?” Harm exclaimed. “Why?”

“Because there is a trail of evidence that proves conclusively he planned and facilitated Webb’s rogue operation, in addition to interfering with the one in Paraguay” Catherine dropped the final bomb. She hadn’t previously shared this with Harm

“You’re kidding, Kershaw wasn’t that sloppy,” Harm protested.

“I know that, you know that,” she cast about, “dammit, Harm, everyone knows that. However, it appears that in addition to making sure you no longer worked for the agency, Webb also landed the final blow in his duel with Kershaw. As you stated Harm, the cover-up is too sloppy for Kershaw, the evidence is too precise. Unfortunately for him, it is also irrefutable. Webb is the only person who could have arranged it. Manipulation was an area where he excelled. He should have been retired from the field and put in charge of planning missions long ago. He’d lost his edge in executing them, and he was dangerous, he no longer possessed the ability to improvise successfully but his planning skills were unmatched,” she supplied.

“Dear God, Harm,” breathed Mac. She leaned back against him for support while she absorbed what she had just heard.

Catherine watched the two officers as they assessed the past year of their lives from the perspective of Clayton Webb’s machinations.

“Wait a minute,” Mac said slowly. “What was that you said about making sure Harm no longer worked for the agency?”

Catherine smiled, “You don’t really believe the news crew was on that carrier deck accidentally do you? After all it was a covert mission.” She tilted her head slightly as they absorbed the impact of that revelation.

Still dazed Mac had one more question, “Catherine please don’t think me ungrateful but….well….how do you know all this?”

Catherine sighed, “Seems unlikely doesn’t it. After all, I’m just one of the lawyers. Part of it…well we are a bunch of spies,” her lips twisted slightly in a sardonic expression. “We can keep secrets from the entire world, but Langley is like a small town, everyone knows everyone else’s business. That is,” she raised her eyes to Harm, “unless you give them something else to talk about.”

“I addition,” she continued quickly, “I’m one of the overlooked masses. I do reviews and oversight. I assess missions in advance when feasible, to see what laws we have to avoid obviously breaking. Afterwards, I review the missions and try to set up damage control. But no one notices me. I’m just one of the legal weenies,” she laughed at the phrase.

In a moment, Mac sat up a little straighter and addressed Catherine. “Will you be all right? Telling us this, I mean.”

“It depends,” she replied

“On what?” Mac asked

“On you. If you ever tell, no I won’t be. If you keep my confidence I’ll be safe.” Her life was basically in the hands of a woman who might just be very grateful to her, or might have every reason to hate her.

Mac read her thoughts. “Well we could hardly deprive your son of his mother too, now could we?” she remarked quietly, a small smile softening her words.

“About that, Mac,” she took a deep breath, a flicker of genuine concern crossing her features. “I…uh….wanted to ask you a favor.”

Mac tilted her head.

“Harm has agreed to be the baby’s godfather,” she rushed ahead. Mac looked over her shoulder at Harm gathering her strength to hear the rest.

“And,” she invited.

“Would you…uh….that is, I’d feel more comfortable if you would be his godmother. I mean just in case,” Catherine qualified. “After all, I do work for the CIA, even if I’m only a lawyer.”

Mac remained speechless for a long moment, but Harms reassuring touch on her back gave her the decision easily.

“I’d be honored, Catherine,” she accepted.

Catherine just nodded, unwilling to give in to the emotion of the moment. “One other thing, Mac, about your tests. I don’t think… that is I respected Webb for what he did, what he tried to do. He had his own code, but it was as strong as yours. He wouldn’t knowingly have hurt you.”

Finding words difficult Mac finally asked, “How do you know about that?”

Catherine Gale gave the Marine before her a smile that stated the obvious. “Well I do work for the CIA,” she replied.

They sat quietly for a short while, each of them swamped by their emotions and interpretations of the past half hours revelations. When the baby’s fussing suddenly claimed their attention, both Harm and Catherine rose, “I’d better get going,” she noted, “Steven doesn’t like sleeping in strange beds. I’m surprised he was good this long. It took him months to get used to his babysitter.”

“Nevertheless, Catherine if you ever need to get away, a weekend, a short vacation anything please let me know. I’d be happy to care for him,” Mac offered almost wistfully.

“Thanks, Mac, that means a lot to me. I know he’d be well cared for with you,” Catherine replied sincerely, then turned to take the squirming infant from Harm and place him in his carrier.

“I’ll send your shirt back,” she remarked to Harm as he handed her the soiled top he’d found in his bathroom. “You did explain about the shirts didn’t you?” she asked nervously.

“Uh….no, not yet,” Harm stammered looking from Catherine to Mac.

Mac waited patiently for Harm to find the words.

“Baby burp,” his shrug was more eloquent than his explanation.

Mac laughed lightly and shook her head, “At least it wasn’t your dress whites,” then added. “You better help her to her car, Harm. She seems to have her hands full, and you don’t live in the best neighborhood. Oh, and Harm, while you’re down there will you lock my car please?” She sounded suspiciously wife-like. Harm smiled contentedly.

“Are you staying?” he asked hopefully.

“I’d like to,” Mac replied with a shy smile. “The sessions are working, I actually feel better after them now.” From across the room Mac saw the Harmon Rabb she had only glimpsed before. With no shadows to hide among, no dithering layers to obscure the man beneath.

“Good, I’ll get your bag, you call and order dinner.” He grinned and winked at her as he pulled the door closed. After therapy she usually didn’t stay, needing her flat hard mattress and a numbing muscle relaxant. Tonight she apparently preferred the heat of his body to sooth her.

End of sixteen

The Rabb Mosaic
Part Seventeen

The entire day they danced around each other, in an uncomfortable tango of anticipation and trepidation. It had been so long, so very long. They had waited patiently, almost five months, telling each other it would be worth the wait, that it was better this way, that there was too much to lose by moving too fast. He wouldn’t rush her because he wanted her injury to heal, she refused him until her tests were clear, unwilling to endanger him. She trusted Catherine’s assessment, but not her source of information.

Although the important question, the one which would direct and define their lives, had been asked and answered that sunny Saturday morning in the Rose Garden, their relationship had since taken on the task of cultivating and reinforcing their friendship. There had definitely been physical contact, but its level retained an innocence that enhanced the growing bond without adding the stress of expectation.

As the months passed, as minds, hearts, and bodies healed, the physical desires had grown. By mutual agreement, they found an acceptable level of intimacy and set a firm barrier. Neither would step beyond until they both were satisfied it was safe.

During those months they’d held each other; often as they watched movies or sunsets, often just because, for no reason aside from a desire to be close. He’d kissed her frequently, not to arouse her, but to show her the depth of his love and other times just to offer a token of affection.

Never mind his intent; it did arouse her. Even the simplest kiss from him lit a fire deep within that glowed for days. She could tell he felt the same. The smile on his face was a permanent fixture, not even retreating completely in the deepest moment of work related aggravation, never wavering, as they awaited results of her frequent tests and treatments. The spring in his step, a trademark of their early years together, had returned.

But yesterday, yesterday she’d had her final appointment. Her doctor had pronounced her completely healthy. Her tests were all clear. There were no more barriers. Why then, why was this long awaited message faced with apprehension and uncertainty? Could they not just continue as they had been for months, finally allowing themselves the freedom to explore further? Couldn’t they relax now? No, of course not, as with everything they ever faced regarding the other, it just wasn’t that simple.

Instead they were prowling around each other like a pair of wary jungle cats. Uncertain if the next step would find them in an age old mating ritual, or a deadly struggle for survival. It shouldn’t feel this way. This tension should not be here. After all, they were thinking creatures, able to make considered decisions. Not creatures of the wild, living on instinct. They didn’t have to do this at all.

That was it; they simply didn’t have to do anything. She would march right to his office and tell him. She was tired…it had been a long week…she had a headache…dinner another time…don’t bother renting a movie…no dancing…no nothing. God she wanted to scream, the stress was killing her.

She literally growled as she rushed from her office in a headlong charge down the hall, determined to call the entire thing off and resign her commission. She would run away, that’s it, get outta Dodge…to where…to somewhere…anywhere. She would….suddenly she ran flat into a brick wall covered in Navy blue wool and gold buttons. His strong hands found her arms, once again eager to steady her from the recoil of her emotions.

“Mac?” he asked, the trepidation apparent in his voice. “Are you okay? You look tired and upset.”

“I’m….I’m okay Harm,” she stammered. The whisper of his scent, the strength of his presence, caused a tingle to run through every nerve ending she possessed. Her entire support structure turned to jelly. This close she found she didn’t want to run, she didn’t want to hide, and most of all she didn’t want to send him away. She knew exactly what she didn’t want; she just didn’t know what she wanted.

Harm looked down at her studying her face, his eyes penetrating deep into her soul, burrowing into her deepest thoughts. He’d become really good at that lately. He could nearly read her mind. “It’s the test results isn’t it?” He asked perceptively.

“No! Why…I mean, what do you mean? Everything’s fine, Harm.” She wasn’t making sense, babbling to fill the space between them. Anxious and expectant that something more personal, more intimate, might slip into the void.

“I know sweetheart,” he responded sympathetically, low enough for no one but her to hear, “That’s the problem, isn’t it? For so long now…we’ve sort of found a comfort zone living on a promise. Mac, we don’t have to make an appointment to do this you know. We can relax and let it happen when it feels right.”

“You don’t want to…?” she looked up, unreasonably hurt that he had found the exact thing that was bothering her. What’s more, he was being understanding and kind when she couldn’t even decide to want what she wanted. It was nuts, it was completely ludicrous.

She’d wanted this drop dead gorgeous man since the moment she laid eyes on him. They’d been though hell and back together time and again. Been separated and reunited more times than any couple had a right to expect, and now when the barriers had all fallen away, she was so unreasonably panicked, a feeling of sheer terror invaded her, and she hated it. She was working up a good head of steam because he recognized it, and was being considerate.

Clearly she was losing her mind, she was so wrapped up in waging world war three with her conflicting emotions, she didn’t even hear his response.

“Of course I want to,” Harm protested in a frustrated hiss. Catching himself, he hesitated, looked up and down the hallway, then pulled her back into his office. He wasn’t sure where this was going, but he was very certain it shouldn’t happen in the hallway outside JAG Ops

“Wh….what?” she looked up, surprised at his actions, confused by his response. The plethora of warring emotions left her dazed and shaken. Struggling, she returned her attention to the subject, “What did you say?” She asked

“I said, of course I want to. I’ve wanted to for years, but not until you feel completely comfortable. I only asked you to have dinner tonight because, well, because we always have dinner together on Fridays. I thought we could do something special, just celebrate a little, you know, the good news. We don’t have to do anything…. anything we don’t always do when we go out,” he finished aimlessly. Taking a step back, he nervously awaited her response. It wasn’t what he anticipated.

“God, Harm, that is so bloody noble. That’s not fair to you….you deserve…” she flared, but was interrupted by his steely voice, so deadly quiet, but so forceful it could have rattled the mortar in these antique walls.

“No!” came out in a deep quite rumble. “Don’t go there, Mac, don’t even complete that thought. Never, ever, attribute that attitude to me. I’m not like that, and if you don’t know that by now….” He looked away hurt and angry, he was half a second from turning and walking out the door.

Oh! Oh no, Harm I am so sorry.” She laid a hand on his arm. “My head is so messed up today I’m sorry. This is so crazy. That was so unfair. Do you have any idea what I was coming to tell you?” she offered contritely.

“No,” he relented slightly, allowing a tiny flicker of smile to play about his lips

“Never mind, I think I need to be committed for even thinking it, for thinking any of this. Harm, I’m sorry.” She apologized again, and tried to move away towards the door.

“It’s okay, Mac.” he comforted her, once again bringing his hands gently, but firmly to her shoulders. “There’s no need to apologize, sweetheart. You finally finished the roller coaster ride your life has been on for a long time. Being back on solid ground has to be a shock. Now what were you coming to tell me?” he asked with infinite patience

“No, I can’t. I didn’t even mean it. I was just so….” she turned away.

“What Mac? Just get it out. Don’t let it control you.” He squeezed her shoulders gently.

She took a deep breath. “I was going to tell you….” she looked up pleading for escape, but he remained firm. “I was going to resign my commission and run a way to….to….I don’t know where to.” She wailed miserably.

“Maaaac,” he shook his head. “Oh Mac, do you really think I’m ever going to let you get away that easily. Never again, sweetheart.” he wrapped his arms lightly around her in a comforting hug. “Look how about this?” he spoke into her hair. “We go out for pizza or something after work, just keep it simple,” he pulled back to gauge her response. “Then I’ll follow you home, to make sure you’re safe,” she glared at him. “Humor me, Mac,” she nodded. “I’ll go on home, and you can call me tomorrow when you feel like talking. One condition though, no resigning, no transferring, no running. Deal?”

“No, Harm,” she shook her head.

“No?” he looked both puzzled and worried. “Why not?”

“Because it’s ridiculous. I’m being stupid about something we both want so much. It’s messing with my head, and I know you, you must have been feeling the same way all day,” she looked up at him slyly, “or you wouldn’t have been able to understand what was going on with me so quickly.”

“Let’s just have one of our regular Friday nights, we’ll order in and watch a movie. We’ll pretend nothing has changed until we feel comfortable with that change. Okay?” she bargained reasonably.

“That sounds like a better deal,” he smiled a sheepish admission that she’d read him correctly, and relaxed for the first time in nearly thirty-six hours.

“Good, my place 1900. I’ll get the movies.” She was almost herself again, her former resilience reasserting itself.

“Fine, but no chick flicks, rent something with a little action. What do you want for dinner?” he was pleased their relaxed banter had retuned.

“One of each,” she bargained, “and Chinese. Remember the dinner you brought the night you explained about Kate?”

He nodded. “You ordered the same that night we spoke to Catherine.”

“Bring the same thing, it was lucky then, it took us past a bad place twice, maybe it will work again. We may have to make it our traditional making up dinner,” she smiled a promising smile.

“I like this,” he agreed. “Chinese it is. See you at 1900.” She stepped from his office and turned towards hers, but at the doorway into the bullpen, she glanced over her shoulder and saw him still standing there, watching her. A warm glow filled her, and all the feelings of being in love they’d worked on all those months returned like a tidal wave. Suddenly there was little doubt they would be fine. She wasn’t going to let him get away again either.

End of seventeen

The Rabb Mosaic
Part Eighteen

1850
Sarah Mackenzie’s apartment
Georgetown

“Hi,” he said a little breathlessly, wondering if her resolve had changed again, but risking a kiss on her forehead.

“Hi,” she answered with a sunny smile. It was a little nervous, but not much. “Did you bring my favorites?” she tugged at the bag, noting he had kept the habit of being ten minutes early.

“All here,” he handed her the sack, and turned to close and lock the door. Turning back he found her still standing there watching him. He placed his hands on her shoulders and drew her to him, placing a light kiss on her lips. He would have liked to do more but decided the simple gesture was enough until they fully regained their balance.

She smiled up at him looking almost disappointed, but she understood and agreed with his unspoken thoughts.

“I wonder, Harm, would you mind if…well….” she ventured hesitantly.

“What, Mac?” a curious frown crinkled his brow, as he followed her to the dining room.

“We’ve found something Harm,” she faced him as she placed the bag on the dining room table she had already set.

“Go on,” his attention was captured now.

“The last few months we’ve been able to talk, I mean really talk. About things…that is… stuff that bothers us… when we’re afraid or confused, like….well, like today,” she tried to explain

“Yes, we have. It’s been good for us,” he agreed.

“What happened today…I’m not sure there are words, but what if we just have a fire, some music, and talk. Just sit and talk, would you mind?”

His relief was evident, as his thousand-watt smile lit the room, “I think it’s a great idea, Mac. I’ll light the fire.”

“I’ll dish up the food.” She picked up the remote from the bookcase and aimed it at the stereo. Soft music began to play, the sort Harm liked and she had come to love, instrumentals and voices, soft and complex, the words sometimes happy, sometimes sad. She dialed the audio to an unobtrusive level and began dishing the plates

They made small talk as they ate, comfortable conversation about the every day events in the office. Vague references to cases….a little discussion on one they worked together…. their co-workers. They talked until their need for nourishment was satisfied, and the food was put away. With a pot of her special coffee and a tray with cups, milk and sugar, they settled on the couch.

“Harm about today. Again, I’m sorry.” She started.

“So am I, Mac,” he sighed. “I guess it was a little overwhelming. I mean we’ve waited, held back, so long. It just seemed like it was some sort of starting gun, I guess, an imperative that had to be met suddenly.”

“Exactly,” she agreed. “Sort of like we had to go full speed ahead, now that it was over.”

“It’s not true you know. It only releases the restrictions; it doesn’t have to set our pace. No one has ever been able to control our pace,” he pointed out.

“I know, not even us sometimes,” she agreed. He was slightly sprawled in the corner, she was firmly upright beside him, not too close but not too far. Her hands in her lap, fingers tightly entwined were the only indication of her pent up nervousness.

As they spoke, his arm had drifted to the back of the couch, his hand draped directly behind her neck. His fingers could flex and reach the short curls, but he held them still. “You know Mac, nothing is final, nothing is imperative. I only ask one thing, don’t judge me by others.”

“Fair enough,” she nodded, “that wasn’t very trusting was it?”

“No, but I understand, you were upset,” he allowed.

“How do you do that?” she asked, half annoyed, half amazed.

“What,” he asked absently, as his fingers drifted closer to the nape of her neck.

“How can you always be so kind? Sometimes I feel like a flaming shrew, and you just let it roll off,” she explained with mild frustration.

He looked at her sadly, “It doesn’t roll off, Mac. Sometimes it hurts, but when it does I know you’re hurting too.”

“I don’t mean to hurt you, Harm. I’ve never meant to hurt you.” Regardless of the times she had done it almost deliberately, she knew it was true, she hadn’t meant to hurt him she only ever wanted his attention.

“Nor I, Mac, maybe that’s our next project, no more hurting,” somehow, he thought, the issue might very well fade on its own. His fingertips could imagine the texture of her neckline as he forced himself to still their movement.

“It’s a good project,” she agreed

Silence fell uncomfortably around them. She was searching of a safe topic, when Harm smiled at her briefly and ventured almost too quietly.

“Can I ask you something, Mac?” he looked from the corner of his eye.

“Sure,” she tensed slightly, then forced herself to relax. Talking had been her idea; she couldn’t back out now.

“Were you really trying to run?” he asked. “The day Catherine was at my place. See the reason I’m asking,” he hurried on, sitting up a little straighter and pegging her with an earnest gaze, the back of her neck momentarily forgotten “is that the car window was down. I….I would have had difficulty stopping you if it had been up,” he finished

She took a deep breath, then another, not certain of her answer until this moment, not certain of the truth. “No I guess not, not really, I’d just handled things that way for so long, I still wasn’t sure what else to do. I didn’t want to run, I didn’t want it to be true. I just didn’t know how to ask you, how to find out. Thank you for caring enough to stop me,” she smiled at him.

He nodded thoughtfully, “Mmmmm,” he agreed. “Always. Then no more running Marine, were doing this together now,” he concluded.

“No more running, I promise,” she said it softly, but with all the power that phrase had ever held for them. Silent again for a moment, her mind turned to another burning question.

“Harm?” she ventured uncertainly.

One glance showed more than a trace of remaining apprehension. He sighed deeply whatever it was they might as well get it over with now. “What is it, Mac?”

“It’s about Catherine,” she hinted.

“What about her?” patient as he tried to be, he wasn’t sure he wanted to explain again.

“Not her exactly, her baby.” Mac tried to say what she wanted.

“Okay, what about the baby?” he responded a little sharply. If he’d made that mistake it was done, he wasn’t dragging up all her museum pieces.

“I’m…I’m sorry, Harm, I have no right to ask.” She backed away, reading his darkening mood.

“No, I’m sorry, Mac, that was uncalled for, but about Catherine I just don’t know, not absolutely” he sounded frustrated.

“That’s not it, not exactly, Harm. What I mean is, you haven’t pursued it. Why not?” she dug to a new level.

“What do you mean? We keep in touch, and visit regularly,” he hoped she wasn’t going where it sounded. He wasn’t certain how she would react to his unfounded theory.

“I know Harm, but remember, best friend here, I’ve seen you through a lot of obsessions,” she smiled that little tilted smile, and he melted a little.

“Okay best friend, what?” he knew she had him.

“Harm, why haven’t you taken it to court; or at least insisted on tests?” Bingo, she hit the mark squarely.

“Why should I?” he asked defensively.

“Because I happen to know that if you really believed he was yours, you’d move heaven and earth to prove it,” she slammed home her closing argument.

“Not if it would hurt her or the baby. It’s not necessary,” he softly tried evasion.

“Okay maybe you wouldn’t be public about it, but you’d still be pushing at it. You haven’t. Why not?” she would not be dissuaded.

He was silent for several long minutes, looking into the fire. She held her breath for a very long time before letting it out with a soft whoosh.

“You don’t, do you?” she summed up.

“Don’t what?” he stubbornly avoided the direct question.

“You don’t believe he’s yours.” He turned to look at her, something new and strange shining in his sea green eyes.

“Not really, maybe, I can’t be certain, but I don’t think so, not anymore.” He finally admitted seriously.

“Then why, why the charade of possibility, the godparent thing, letting people gossip that it might be?” She both needed and deserved and answer and he knew it.

He reached and took her hands, “Mac a little gossip won’t hurt me. Not having the gossip might hurt Catherine or the baby, maybe both,” he explained cryptically.

She looked stunned and puzzled. This wasn’t what she expected to hear. “I’m not sure I understand.”

“Mac she let us believe it for a reason, let everyone believe it. There are only limited possible reasons for that. There must have been someone else, and the father either can’t or won’t be with her. Maybe it would be dangerous or damaging to him, or perhaps to Cat and the baby, if his identity were suspected. I’m safe, even if I may look a little stupid and careless as a result. Add that to the fact some people are still wagging their tongues about Singer's baby, would you care to take a good look at the pattern? The ageing playboy,” he smiled ruefully to soften the blow.

She took time to process the information seriously. “I see,” she replied, before continuing with an impish grin. “Then if you’re such a stud-muffin, making a baby should be a piece of cake for us,” she concluded brightly, her dancing eyes lightening the load of his assessment.

“You’re gonna pay for that one Marine,” he shook his finger at her playfully, then added gravely. “I think….maybe I’m some kind of cover for her, Mac. Even if there weren’t the remotest chance I’m the father, I can’t risk any danger coming to their lives for the sake of my ego. Whatever her reasons, she’s afraid someone will find a different truth, someone dangerous, someone powerful,” he shrugged. “She needs the protection of the lie. Can you live with that?” he pleaded.

She cocked her head thoughtfully, assimilating his assessment and finding herself in complete agreement. Smiling to soften her words, “Once again Super-Harm to the rescue,” she teased, then added sincerely. “Yes Harm I can live with it. We’ll do it together like always,” she offered.

A brilliant smile lit his face. “Like always,” he repeated, squeezing her hands lightly.

“In any case, it has added benefits for me,” she concluded with cat in the cream satisfaction, an odd smile covering her features.

“What’s that?” he worried what might be brewing in her mind.

“Well I get another baby to practice on, besides Harriet’s, and I get to be married to Super-Harm the stud-muffin. What more could a girl ask?” Her tinkling laughter shattered the last of his control.

“All right, that does it,” with a low growl he literally pounced on her, pushing her back on the couch. He would tickle her mercilessly until she screamed uncle. She laughed tauntingly, and pretended to avoid his grasp. But the minute her body sank beneath his, the moment she began to fold herself against him, the very second she looked up at him with eyes that twinkled like a night full of fireflies, he found a wealth of other things he would rather do.

He started with wrapping her in his arms, inventing new and different ways to kiss her, to still her giggles and turn it to whimpers and sighs. Touching her, exploring her in all the new and different places they were now allowed, he wanted to change her movements with his caress to something sensual and inviting. With every surrender, every answering kiss and touch, every response of their bodies as they melted into each other, the fire between them burned brighter, turning to rubble the last of their self-imposed barriers. Suddenly this thing between them didn’t seem the least bit difficult. The thing between them held every promise of being very, very good.

End

Email Karen
Back to FanFic Page