Title: A Merry Little Christmas Now
Author: Karen
Disclaimers: The characters in this story are the property of Donald Bellisario, Belisaurius Productions, Paramount Pictures and Columbia Broadcasting Service Entertainment – this story is for non-profit entertainment of JAG fans only. No copyright infringement is intended or implied.
Notes: Merry Christmas everyone.
“You OK, Harm?” Mattie asks, as I pilot the car down Pennsylvania Ave. We took the long way home so she could see the Christmas lights. I’m teetering between utter elation, and a deep sense of loss. Mac secured Mattie’s guardianship for me by talking heart to heart with her father, then turned around and refused to come with us citing a dinner invitation from Webb.
“Yeah I’m fine, sweetheart,” I sigh. I don’t really sound fine, even to myself.
“It’s her, isn’t it?” She asks with her acute perception.
“Who?” I stall, knowing exactly who she means.
“Her, the colonel,” she clarifies, with exaggerated patience.
Another sigh, “Don’t worry about it Mattie, this has been going on a long time…Maybe too long.” I respond, despondently.
“Sounds like you’re giving up.” She observes critically.
“Maybe I am.” I shrug. “What’s the point in fighting it?”
“You shouldn’t, Harm,” that was confusing.
“I shouldn’t what ‘give up’ or ‘fight’?”
“Give up Harm, you shouldn’t give up. I mean I only met her once and I can see…”
“Mattie, this is way too complicated….” I interrupt.
“Harm I’ve told you before, I’m fourteen, I’m not stupid.” Now she’s annoyed with me. What is this magic touch I have with females?
“I know, but…Mattie, this is just something I need to get over, okay? Let’s go have our dinner, then, I have somewhere special to take you. At least it’s special to me I hope you don’t mind.” I’d like it to be a surprise, but I’m not sure I have the right to surprise her with this.
“You’re changing the subject.” She observes accusingly. “Dinner is good, though. What’s the special place?”
“I’ll tell you about it later.” I promise.
“Okay,” her mouth falls silent, but I can hear her brain working.
“I still don’t think you should give up,” bursts out of her.
“What makes you think that?” I resign myself to this conversation. It isn’t going away.
I look over at her. We’re stuck in traffic in front of the Willard. There’s a large formal party, and people are getting out of their cars.
“Does she call everyone she loves by their last name? Has she ever called you Rabb?” she asks perceptively.
“What? No.” I feel like I’ve been struck by lightening. “Well, that is, except at work, when I really tick her off,” I smile.
I look her way again, “Damn,” I just spotted him. He’s just getting out of a limo, and I block traffic, waiting to see her. Unsure, why I’m torturing myself.
“Double damn,” I exclaim again.
“What Harm? What did I say?” Mattie looks worried.
“You said something I should have thought of,” I pull out of line and make a u-turn.
“Harm what are you doing?” She’s sounding faintly panicky now. She must think I’m nuts.
“They guy that just got out of that limo, with the blonde.” She tries to see the receding scene through the rear window.
“That was Webb, and he wasn’t with Mac.” I don’t know, this sounds like a complete explanation to me.
“So we are going…?” she begins.
“To find Mac,” I finish.
I pull up in front of her apartment, and cram on the parking break. “I’m going with you, Harm.”
“I won’t be long, lock the doors. Sometimes our discussions get a little heated for others, and she just lied to me.” I really don’t want her to see this. I’m really angry.
“I’m going anyway.” She stubbornly insists.
“Mattie, please.”
“You’re angry Harm. You think she lied to you. I’m going with you.” She isn’t budging and I wonder….
I’m so stunned, it takes me a minute to process, “You think I’d hurt her?” I ask astonished.
“Maybe not on purpose, but you are really angry,” she challenges me.
I don’t know which is more ludicrous, her desire to protect Mac from me, or her belief there is any force on earth that would cause me to hurt Mac. Well physically that is, I obviously can’t stop myself from hurting her feelings.
I start with the one I can fix. “Mattie,” I take both her hands, “Mattie,” I begin again, “I know you’ve kind of had it rough, we haven’t discussed everything, but know this, and understand please. There is no emotion that exists, no circumstance imaginable, that could cause me to hurt Mac.” I sigh, “It took me a long time to convince Mac, but you’re younger, I hope I can make you understand. Not everyone solves their problems by hitting, Ok?”
She looks at me for a long minute, before her face changes, “Ok,” she nods slowly. “Harm, one more thing.”
“What is it?” she has that look on her face. Women always get it, when they are asking something you don’t want to answer.
“You love her, don’t you?” there it is blunt, concise, honest.
I hesitate, how can I admit this now? How can I not? Finally, I nod, “Yes, always have.”
She heaves a deep sigh, “Good, now I’m coming with you.” She puts her hand on the door handle.
“Why?” I have to know, not that she can’t come in, but I’m getting addicted to her thought processes.
“You’re sort of going to be my dad, right” Uh oh I feel an attack of female logic.
“Yeah, if it works out.” I qualify cautiously.
“And you’re in love with Mac,” she gives me that ‘duh’ look, that only a teenager can pull off.
“Omigod,” I realize what she’s saying; I just stare at her stunned.
“Well, how many kids get to watch their father tell their mother he loves her, for the first time? Let’s go.” She giggles gleefully.
She jumps out of the car, and I push open my door to follow. Catching up, I suggest, “Don’t you think that’s a little premature, I was thinking about dinner.”
“Harm please,” the tired patience is back, “didn’t you say eight years? It’s hardly premature, besides, what were you going to do, bust in say ‘I know you lied to me, so come have dinner?”
“No of course not,” I protest, then after a moments thought, I look at the floor, waiting for the elevator. I finally admit, “Well yeah, I probably would have said something just like that.”
“Try something else, Harm. It might work better.” She suggests.
I walk calmly to her door, trying to compose something reasonable. The TV is playing, some sappy Christmas movie, I’ll bet.
I knock. No answer.
I knock again, no answer.
“C’mon Mac, open up, I know you’re in there,” I knock again, my anger returning.
“Harm, not tonight. It’s not a good time.” I don’t even consider the possibility of her having someone else in there.
“It’s as good as any, Marine.” I’m starting to boil here.
“Go away Harm.” God, I think she sounds depressed.
“Not on your life Marine,” I whip out my spare key and open the door. She steps backwards quickly, as I shove it open.
“Harm, what the devil do you think you’re doing?” she demands, her temper is overcoming her depression, but that’s ok. At least it’s something I have practice dealing with.
“Nice Mac,” I observe, “flannel Christmas puppies.” I indicate her jammies. “Is that the current trend in formal holiday wear?” I’m standing with my hands on my hips, projecting anger with every fiber of my body.
“It’s none of your damn business,” she fires back. “What are you doing here?”
“I saw Webb at the Willard; with a blonde arm charm… you lied to me, Marine. In fact I’d be willing to bet you’ve been lying about Webb for some time, and I want to know why?” I’m towering over her now. This isn’t going at all, as Mattie suggested.
“I never lied Harm, you assumed and I just didn’t correct you.” Great, more female logic and it doesn’t explain the dinner thing.
“Oh?” I ask sarcastically. “So misleading isn’t the same a lying. I can’t wait to use that in court, next time you prosecute someone for perjury.”
“Look,” she folds, uncharacteristically, “if you came to gloat, I think you’ve had enough, now please go.”
“Gloat? That’s what you think? I came to gloat?” How shallow does she think I am? Whoa, power down, Rabb, this isn’t going well.
“Well, what else?” the depressed tone is surging back.
“Mac, do you love me?” Hats off, to Mattie. Her idea finally penetrated my ego.
“What?” she looks startled. “Harm if you don’t know the answer to that…”
“Well I don’t, any more than you know I love you. So answer me, do you love me?” I demand. I agree the delivery isn’t so great, but I did get the words out.
She just stares at me. Tears start to form. I’m going to lose it here; I’ve hurt her again. Dear god why do I do that?
“Mac…” I stumble and start to apologize.
“Yes Harm.” She replies adding to my confusion.
“Yes. Yes what?”
“Yes, I love you,” she collapses against me, as I gather her into my arms. I guess this uniform will go to the cleaners. But, who cares, I finally have the woman I love.
Very soon, she looks up at me through dripping eyes. “Merry Christmas Marine,” I whisper, as I brush away her tears.
Then almost tentatively, I lower my head, to take her lips with mine. I pull her closer and closer. I can’t stop this kiss, just having her in my arms like this, compares to nothing else in my existence.
I’m almost at the edge of control, my hands just beginning to roam her back, when a voice comes through the fog in my brain.
“Well, that’s not what I had in mind, but I guess it will do,” I hear a thick coating of tolerant humor in her tone.
We pull quickly away, but I don’t release her. We both turn to see Mattie, leaning against the closed door, watching us closely.
“Harm?” Mac asks, both confused and amused.
“She thought you needed protection,” I smile. “Now we have pasta to cook, and a visit to make. Go get into something more practical.” I tell her, as I turn her towards her bedroom. I’ll have to make a point of helping her with those jammies, sometime soon.
The end