Notes:
A/N: Please assume the usual disclaimers.
This one comes with a serious warning. It is not a happy tale. It came to me all at once almost whole, yesterday, but I can’t find a happy ending. I’ve tried all day. I even went and stuffed myself silly on sushi (brainfood) and still no rainbow. If I ever find a way out, I’ll share it. But all the Paraguay spoilers have me so down this is the result. I’m hoping that if I say these terrible things aloud the demons will go away and they’ll make it all better on the show.
If you find the writing or the presentation has merit please comment. I’m fairly certain most will dislike the story. I dislike the story. But can’t you just see it happening this way?
After All
Part One
U.S. Embassy
Lt. Colonel Sarah Mackenzie’s room
“You resigned? What do you mean you resigned? You mean you walked away, gave it all up? JAG? Flying? Everything? That’s unacceptable, Harm. You can’t just do something like that.” She is furious, actually yelling at me. Amazing.
I must admit, it wasn’t the response I expected. Nor I guess, the one I was looking for, if I am honest. Even a simple thank you would have been sufficient. Never mind anything else.
“You know Mac, I might have been inclined to discuss it with you. But, it occurred to me that if I rang your cell phone, it was unlikely the terrorist, who was preparing to torture the life out of you, might not have let you talk to me. I guess I was carried away with the notion you might need a little help.” I answer caustically.
I suppose I could have produced that look if I slapped her, but I figure the words were sufficient to make the point. I’m sorry I said it that way, but I’m not taking it back; and I don’t slap women.
“Well Jesus, Harm, of course we needed help. They almost killed Clay, because he wouldn’t let them touch me.”
‘We?’ she said we. “I don’t give a rat’s ass about Clay. He’s the one who got you into this to begin with.”
“Actually Harm, he got me out. I got him back into it, and if you and Gunny talked at all during your trip, you would know that. We were back in it because we went to rescue him. Or rather I did. Clay came along, because he wouldn’t let me go alone.”
“Well, if Clay had his head out of his ass for five minutes, he would have provided both of you with backup, before taking on a nest of terrorists loaded for war.”
“He couldn’t.”
“What?”
“He couldn’t. He didn’t have that authority. The station chief wouldn’t let him have anyone, and he wasn’t willing to let me go back alone.”
“And that brings it right back to the beginning, doesn’t it?” I’m not sure how the conversation got to this point, but I’m very afraid I know where it’s heading.
“What are you talking about?”
“If this mission were handled correctly, he would have had the authorization to call for backup. Instead, he put both of you, all three actually, at the mercy of that drunk. Who is probably, at the very least, working both sides of the street.”
I’m not backing down this time.
“He’s responsible for putting you in more danger than necessary, for almost getting you brutally killed, because of his half-baked, ladder climbing, manipulations.” My anger just hit the roof and broke through.
“All I know, Harm, is I was responsible for him being caught. There wouldn’t have been enough of me left for you to rescue, if he hadn’t taken everything for days. I would think you would be grateful for that, at least.”
“Grateful? I should be grateful? Tell you what Sarah. You go take care of Clay, and comfort each other with your mutual gratitude. I need to go find a job.”
I didn’t wait for a reply; I just walked out and slammed the door.
I hear her jerk the door open behind me. There’s a plea in her voice. “Harm. Come back. We aren’t finished.”
I turn slowly and look at her. For a moment, I almost surrender. Almost. But, I’m not doing this again.
“Yes we are, Sarah.” I respond softly, before I turn and walk away.
“Harm please,” is the last I hear, before I turn the corner heading for the front office. Her ankle is broken; she can’t follow.
End part one
After All
Part Two
U.S. Embassy
Undersecretary’s office
I dial a now familiar number.
“Mr. Kershaw please this is Comm…, I mean, Mr. Harmon Rabb.”
+++++
“Yes, I believe he is expecting the call.”
There is a pause. The government’s canned hold music is no better than anywhere in the world.
“Yes sir.”
+++++
“I’m fine. How are you?”
+++++
“Well, I guess I’m interested in your offer. You said to call, if I ever found myself out of uniform. It seems to have happened sooner than I expected.”
+++++
“No sir, I really don’t see any other options.”
+++++
“As soon as possible, sir. I’m aware of that, it’s a hard habit to break. I’ll work on it.”
+++++
“If I may, I would like to talk to the Admiral first. He can forward all my personal information, and I need to ask him a personal favor. After that, I’m free to go wherever you need me.
+++++
“No, he’s not going to say anything that can change my mind. My decision is based on other issues entirely.”
+++++
“Thank you sir. I’ll do my best.”
+++++
“Sorry again, I’ll leave right away.”
+++++
“Understood.” I disconnect the line.
“Thank you.” I give my best smile to the A.A. I know she was told to cooperate, but it never hurts to be nice. I take that back, apparently, it does hurt some people, but that’s behind me now.
I’ve been given an address. A safe house. I’m to await instructions and my new identity, as well as clothing, a cell phone, and a weapon. As I leave the U.S. Embassy, I wonder if I’ll ever be inside another. I vaguely wonder how long I’ll survive in this new world. I even wonder if it matters.
End part two
After All
Part Three
Safe House
Location Unknown
I may as well get this over with. I don’t think I’m likely to have another chance soon. I have permission to use the satellite phone.
“Admiral, sir. This is Rabb.” No point in pretending.
“How did things go Harm? Are you and Mac ok?” I don’t miss the familiar form of address.
“I’m fine sir. The Colonel’s fine as well. I guess you know about her ankle, but aside from that no serious damage. She should be on her way back to you soon.”
“That isn’t exactly what I meant. I asked you a question before you left. I’d like an answer.” I don’t really feel I owe him one, but what the hell.
“Well sir, the answer is moot. You asked me what I would do to keep her, but I wasn’t aware at the time, she was already gone.”
“Nonsense! Are you certain this isn’t just a reaction to the situation son? Once you get back…”
“Admiral,” I interrupt, “I’m not coming back. There isn’t any point I’ve given up my career. There’s nothing to come back for. I have accepted a new job sir, and I need you to forward my personal information to DDO Kershaw.”
“Kershaw?”
“Yes sir,” I try to sidestep the waves of anger that are palpable even over the phone line. “And, could I ask you to contact my mother. Please tell her I’ll be fine, and I’ll get in touch with her as soon as I can. I left an envelope regarding my personal effects with Bud.”
“Harm you don’t have to do this. What you did…it wasn’t necessarily final. Deniability mostly.” He doesn’t sound proud of himself for once. I figured as much, but there is a small satisfaction in hearing him admit it.
“I understand sir, and if things had been different…. but they’re not. This is the best way for everyone.”
The silence hangs for a moment.
“One more thing, sir.”
“What is it son?”
“Take care of her. Don’t let her do this any more. These people… they just play too damn rough.” I have a little trouble controlling my voice. The image of her on that table haunts me.
“Son you know I can’t….” I interrupt him.
“Yes you can Admiral. I know you can.” My voice is soft, respectful, but steel. “I need this promise.”
I hear a heavy sigh. “She’ll be a judge when she returns to duty. Judges don’t leave the courtroom.” He yields.
“Thank you sir. Unlike Webb, I’ll never borrow your people. They shouldn’t have to do stuff like this.” I offer a promise in return.
“Neither should you, Harm.”
“I know sir, thank you for everything. You’ve been an inspiring CO and a good friend.”
“Not good enough, or this wouldn’t have happened.” He doesn’t like this, but he can’t change it. He sounds defeated.
“You can’t know that sir. After all, we make our own choices. I have to go, sir. The courier just arrived with my assignment.”
“Good luck, son. If you’re ever in town….”he leaves the thought incomplete.
“I know sir, I’ll try.” We both know I won’t.
End part three
After All
Epilogue
JAG HQ
Six months later
The Admiral sat at his desk, sorting through his morning mail. The plain white envelope caught his eye. It had only his name, the JAG address, and private typed on the front.
He thought briefly, to have it checked for biohazards, but after holding it to a strong light, decided there were easier ways to kill him, if that were someone’s goal.
Pulling out the letter, he read it twice. The second time very slowly.
Reluctantly he pushed the speaker button.
“Coates, get Colonel Mackenzie in here, ASAP.”
“Yes sir,” came the electronic reply.
Five minutes could be excruciatingly long, when you waited to deliver this kind of news. It also, was never long enough.
She stepped through the door slightly rushed. He waved her immediately to a seat.
“I’m sorry sir, I was…. Well, the ladies room sir.” She blushed endearingly. God this was going to be hard.
“Colonel, I need you to read something. It’s not easy for me to show you this, but you deserve to know.” He handed her the letter, steeling himself for her reaction.
Admiral
I regret to inform you that agent Elliott Stevens was killed, during a Special Forces operation, at a classified location.
He was apparently misidentified during the action. His body was lost in the ensuing fire.
The information contained in this letter carries top-level classification, and is deniable.
The letter is not traceable, and inquiries will produce no further facts.
Mr. Stevens was, at one time, a close, personal friend of yours.
Please destroy this letter and the envelope.
End